The price of doing business.

Ok, listen. I’m gonna tell you something, and I hope we can still be friends, but I will totally understand if you need to be like, “Hey Jamie, I like you and all, but this is just too much, ya know?”. And I mean that. Truly. But I’ll let you decide…
Oh. And also, just so you know, this is going to give you the heeby-jeebies. Big time. So sorry about that:

Um, for a while now, I’ve been growing a third eye on the back of my head. (
I know, I know, just stay with me here…) It’s not like an awesome Shiva style third eye. No, nooo, nohohoho…*sigh*. This is no third eye of enlightenment, no third eye of consciousness. There is nothing sexy about it at all. In fact, it’s not even really an “eye”. That’s just what we’ve been calling it ever since I asked El Chupacabra to look at the back of my head bacause something was just, I dunno…not right…,and when he did, he sceamed, “GAH!! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME WITH THAT NASTY THIRD EYE!” So, “third eye” is kind of like a nick-name for “lumpy patch of itchy crust”. I warned you about the heeby-jeebies (jeez, why did you keep reading?!).

One of the sweetest things that happens when we work with our kiddos in the precario is that the girls play with our hair. The bigger girls usually braid it. The littler ones pretend to braid it by twisting two peices together until they are painfully knotted against your scalp. It’s pretty much guaranteed that if I scoop up one of the little ones to sit on my lap during the story, her tiny fingers will gravitate north to my messy ponytail and the whisps of hair floating around my face. And I love it. It’s a very tender and affectionate thing when a 3 year old tucks a wayward piece of hair behind your ear so they can see your face better from 2 inches away.
There is just one problem. It’s those tiny fragile fingers and the children they are attached to. They’re dirty. And I don’t mean like “wash up before supper” kind of dirty. These kids live and play in..well, basically poop. So naturally, they are teaming with all kinds of poop germs and other stuff. Which brings me back to the third eye on the back of my head, because I think that’s where it came from. Precario poop fingers. That’s the medical term for it, I’m pretty sure. No, but really, it’s like some kind of fungal thing.

And it’s really
———-> *fml side-note* A second ago, I got hungry, so I grabbed the Nesquik Duo out of the pantry which is also the laundry room. And I don’t know if you have Nesquik Duo in English, but I hope you do cause it’s THE BEST cereal to eat dry, straight out of the box, by the handful. The best. So that’s what I was doing, ya know, typing with one hand, and hauling loads of chocolate cereal to my mouth with the other, and switching hands occasionally. And then an itty bitty ant appeared on my keyboard. Which is not all that unusual, except that I’m in bed and there are usually NOT ants in my bed. And then there was one on my arm…and my neck…and then other arm… And I just now realized that this box of cereal is full of ants. And now so is my bed. And my belly. *shudder*
…grossing me out. (Ironic?)

And you wanna know how to fix it? I love this; Head & Shoulders. Like the shampoo from the 80’s for people that only wear black turtle neck with white flakes of dandruff on the shoulders. Yup – one month of Head & Shoulders and I’ll be good as new (God, please please please – let that be true!). And, guess what. The good, flake-free, people over there at Head & Shoulders now offer an anti-frizz conditioner so that you hair will look and feel great while you kill the crusty third eye inhabiting the back of your head! Win.

“Now I’m free to let my beloved babies dig around in my hair with their grubby poop fingers – Head & Shoulders will take care of the rest!”
– Mother Theresa
(ok, I made that up. But I bet she would agree.)

So, please pray for my “condition” and for my “conditioner”. Thank you.

And again, I understand if this crossed the friendship line for you. I mean, Jesus hung out with Lepers and everything…but He was Jesus, so you know…whatever…



  1. Kelly on December 4, 2009 at 6:48 pm

    Jamie, you are awesome! I will pray for your disease…or whatever. Don't you remember that Head & Shoulders played a big role in the movie: "Evolution"…check it out! 🙂 Love ya…

  2. Vickie on December 4, 2009 at 8:31 pm

    Jamie – you are an amazing woman! Keep up the good work with the little kids, and I'll keep you stocked in Head & Shoulders!

  3. Kirk on December 5, 2009 at 12:38 am

    La Jamasita – te amo

    My familigia amos to

    My eglisia te amo

    But really – do you really have to ruin the hotness with every poop infestation you get? Its a burden on fundraising…. 🙂

  4. Missionaries in La Ceiba, Honduras on December 5, 2009 at 9:30 am

    Girl – I can understand more than others I think. After having worked in a pediatric hospital for 12 years – all the bodily fluids from EVERY orifice finding it's way on my Winnie the Pooh scrubs is very disturbing at times. Or – the numerous abscesses in the village that I've had to lance and irrigate with exudate that looks like cottage cheese (yes, I think I've got you on the gross factor) – so just understand I totally get it. And – side note – so glad the H&S shampoo is working out – I wouldn't have thought of that! You go girl!

  5. Lori Vernon on December 5, 2009 at 10:31 am

    Hey Jamie- I'm a new reader and a missionary in Thailand. Your stuff makes me laugh out loud nearly every time! Thanks!

    As for this post… yeah…like the honduras lady said …that barely even scratches the surface of "gross" in my book. Cheers!

  6. thechurchladycooks on December 5, 2009 at 11:30 am

    Hey Jamie – Have you ever seen a show called "The Monster Within" – it's all about wierd parasite things that people get. I was totally obsessed with it last year when Em was going through all the creepy stuff from the Shistosomiasis she got in Africa. Crazy stuff girl! My mantra for the past year. .. .Jesus didn't come to make us safe, he came to make us brave!

  7. curiousceridwen on December 5, 2009 at 7:41 pm

    Can't even tell you how bad my head itches right now. Like, completely, totally, out-of-control itching. I'm pretty sure I caught your poop hair parasite.

  8. Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary on December 7, 2009 at 10:48 pm

    thanks guy, for your support, and for not un-friending me. that's really cool of all of you!

    Hi Lori – very nice to E-meet you! and, truly, thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I know that you and Erin (in Honduras) are right, it's not the worst thing ever. But somehow, this junk seems so much less nasty when it's attached to someone else. Ya know?

  9. Jen on August 20, 2010 at 12:18 am

    Ok, I've been laughing for days at these blogs. Of course, I had to start from the beginning. But today… whoa, takes the cake. Laughed till I cried then laughed some more. You are awesome! Thanks so much for keepin it real.


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