I’m reserving my rights. Why? Um, have you MET my blog?! Yeah, that’s why. And now feels like a good time, so, you know, I’m just gonna go ahead and do it. That way we’re all on the same page. I think it’s better for everybody this way:
I, Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary (also know as the VWM, not to be confused with the Venereal Warts Missionary), reserve the right to use really bad grammar really badly. This includes, but is not limited to, the use of slang, roughneck, ghetto, spanglish, creole (in case the mood hits), and shit that I just make up.
I – reserve, the right. to punctuate,,”.. or not punctu:ate as I see? fit’/
I reserve the right to say mean/arrogant/dull/embarrassing/ridiculous/dirty things which I will later regret. I reserve the right to regret said things from the second I hit “publish” until the second that I die, and for one lifetime thereafter (just in case the Buddhist’s are right).
I reserve the right to kid, as in I’m kidding, as in I was kidding about that thing about the Buddhists. I grant you the right to relax.
I reserve the right to be a dumbass. I may, heretofore, write mind-blowingly stupid crap which I will later look back on and say, “How could I have been so mind-blowingly stupid?”.
I reserve the right to remove, re-write, renege, or plain old change my mind regarding any and/or all stupid crap written in this blog, at any time.
I reserve the right to be kind of an a-hole sometimes. Let this serve as a reminder to all parties that this is my blog (see brain) (see journal) (see first amendment), not your living room. I hereby grant all parties the opportunity to vacate the premises of the VWM at any time so as not to cause undue harm by offense to any party’s good senses.
I reserve the right to italicize, to make bold, or underline anything, whenever and wherever I feel like it, whether or not it makes sense to you.
I reserve the right to make up words, ask dumb questions, ignore comments, respond to comments, make dumb comments, and disagree.
I reserve the right to use onomatopoeia to describe farts, should the need arise.
I reserve the right to fail at blogging, at writing, and at following Christ, at any given time, and to call on this blog community to castigate, encourage, and/or pray for this blogger accordingly.
I reserve the right to grow, both spiritually and physically (but hopefully only spiritually), for as long as I am the sole proprietor of the VWM. Should this become a market venture, I hereby, reserve the right to stagnate, shrivel, and die. Or not.
Cool. I’m so glad we got that out of the way.