I want you to know this was NOT my idea.

I’ve written like fourteen OTHER blogs in a gigantic effort to NOT write this one. The good news is that I now have a bunch of stuff in the can that you are just gonna love. Or hate.

Ok. Before I do this, I want you to know, like deep down in the pit of your stomach – um, is that even a thing? Sounds gross. – but anyway, so in your stomachpit, I want you to know that doing this makes me very very very…very uncomfortable. Like, flossing your teeth an hour before you go to the dentist kind of uncomfortable; where you know you should do it and you should have been doing it all along but you didn’t even though you really want healthy teeth and nice breath and all that so probably your dentist is gonna think you’re a moron but he’s also gonna be really happy you came in cause he’s been wanting to clean your teeth for awhile now. This all feels like that.

Alright, here it is: It has very recently come to my attention that a couple of people are, for real, reading this retarded mind dump of a blog. I know. I can’t believe it either. But as far as I can tell, it’s the truth. Some people even like it. Which just blows my freakin’ mind.

So, the other day I posted this. And it was in no way intended to be a feel-sorry-for-the-poor-poor-missionary kind of thing. I swear it wasn’t like that. Compared to many other support based missionaries, we are doing ok. But just barely. So then, this guy, Zac, posted a comment, and it said: …“Anyways, I think you should set up a paypal account for donations. I am sure you have a base church or denomination that handles your donations, but I would gladly donate to you. I am not rich by any means (in fact, quite the opposite), but I am sure $20 bucks here and there from your readers would help you guys out.

And then somebody else echoed that same sentiment. And I was like “Holy Shi..mmoley! Someone wants to give me money! For writing a horrible blog!… I mean…For being a missionary and serving Jesus in Latin America!”

So I called El Chupacabra to ask if we had a paypal account and he said “Why? What are you buying.” And I was all “Shut up. What if I do wanna buy something. So what?” And then he reminded me that we didn’t have any money which reminded me why I had called him. So I told him and he said something about how I probably misunderstood the comment because everybody knows that it is the hardest thing in the world for missionary’s to get people to give them money, especially when the economy is in the crapper. But, then I read him the comment, and he was all, “Go for it babe. I’ve always wanted a sugar-mama.” So what I’m getting at, is that I have his full support.

You’ve probably already guessed what’s happening here. That’s right. People are losing their minds/reading The Very Worst Missionary. AND. I am adding a Paypal donate button to my blog. There I said it.

I know I’m making a big deal about this. And that’s because I’m afraid of what you’ll think when you see that little “donate” thingy pop up over there on the right. I don’t want you do think to yourself, “Oh, I see how it is. Typical missionary asking for money.” Cause I’m not asking you for money. Yet. Just kidding. Sort of. No, I am kidding. Mostly.

Gah! Do you see how disgusting this is??? (If you’re a missionary, I know you understand.)

So here’s the deal. I’m adding a donate button. Use it if you want. Don’t if you don’t. I’m cool either way. I still can’t even believe that you’re here. All eleven of you.

Thank you for coming here. Thank you for engaging in life with me. Thanks for your tremendous encouragement and for your prayers. Thanks for seeking God alongside me. The privilege is all mine, really. Thanks just for reading.

Oh, and my birthday is in September… Just, ya know, saying…. 😉

Now. Let’s never speak of this again.



  1. Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary on January 16, 2010 at 4:31 pm

    and I posted this on a Saturday, during the crisis in Haiti. Just trying to sneak it in under the radar…. I feel all oogy, now.

  2. curiousceridwen on January 16, 2010 at 6:22 pm

    Well it wasn't *my* idea either. Just sayin. So maybe I'll try out your button some day, and maybe I won't.

    Just an idea though–if it wasn't voluntary, like if I *had* to pay to read your blog, I probably would. Like, not a lot…but something. I'd rather pay for your writing than the daily paper. Which is why I steal the paper off the neighbor's front porch and read it reeeeeeal carefully so they can't tell it's already been unfolded and then return it reeeeeal sneakily…

  3. Mom on January 16, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    One more thing you & Pastor Brad have in common. He hates the annual sermon on the church finiances.

    I love all your blogs but I'm your mother so I'm supposed to.

  4. Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary on January 16, 2010 at 7:00 pm

    Curious – Bahahaha!! LOVE the visual of you stealing/reading/returning the neighbors paper!! In fact, I love all your comments. You make me laugh! Thank you!!!

    Mom – You might like all my blogs right now, but I haven't posted the one I wrote about you yet….Muahahahaha….

  5. Zac on January 16, 2010 at 9:52 pm

    Holy Shi…mmoleyyyyyyyy!!!11!!1!!!one!! I am like famous! I can't wait to show my wife that I have finally made it… mentioned on my favorite blog, FTW! 🙂

    Now time to prove that the paypal thing, although it seems awkward for you, is what God intended all along.

    P.S. Totally agree with Curious about if this was a pay to read blog, it would be worth it.

  6. Kirk on January 16, 2010 at 10:07 pm

    I love all your blogs and I'm just some middle-aged guy who taught your Dad how to catch bass and years later and got roped into going on Mission in Costa Rica. (JK Dean) 🙂

    Brad's been talking about being on the Path of the Disciple. I hope I'm on it and that you and yours will be blessed.

  7. Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary on January 17, 2010 at 9:57 am

    Zac, thanks again! it's a great idea and I'm happy to give credit where it's due. I was gonna link this to your blog or website, but it looks like maybe you don't have one. feel free to email me an address if you want to and I'll add it. THANK YOU again!!!!

    KIrk, you are most definitely on the path of a disciple. i have no doubt about it! Muchos thankyous amigo!

  8. Rob on January 17, 2010 at 10:48 am


    It would seem that you are misleading people. Based on your comments, all these supposed "readers" of your blog are family members. You know, "Mom", "The guy who taught you dad how to catch bass …", "The newspaper thief", etc.

    Am I the only one who reads your blog who ISN'T related to you? (At least I'm assuming we aren't related)

    Anyway, I think it's great that you are putting up the PayPal button. You should have done it a long time ago. And you shouldn't apologize about it, because it will make it easier for your mom to send you money on your birthday.

  9. Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary on January 17, 2010 at 12:15 pm

    Rob, if we ARE related, i will be severely disappointed. Because that will take my non-family readership down to like 3.

    But, for the record. I am related to approximately none of the commenters above – with the exception of my mother, who I deny being related to on occasion. So there. *sticks out tongue*

  10. Proud Dad of future Billy-ette Graham on January 17, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    Let's set the record straight for Rob.

    Of the 55 "followers" listed above…only 2 are family, and they often deny being related to her. With regard to Kirk's comment…I was a professional bass fisherman before he knew which end of a rod to hold; even then, he fished like a girl! And…that boy is certainly no kin of mine…thank, God! LOL

    Regarding the money button, all I can say is, what's next, Jamie? Crystal Cathedral? Televangilism? Jamie, The Worst Missionary t-shirts? You were raised by a self-employed capitalist…good to see you paid attention. How bout a signature line…"Jamie, Chip-off-the-old-block!" I like it!

  11. Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary on January 17, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    for the record: My dad is not a Christian, nor does he approve of/understand my occupation.
    and if he ever refers to me as billy-ette graham again i will be renouncing his fatherhood and claiming the mailman.

    love you dad.

  12. Anonymous on January 17, 2010 at 9:05 pm

    The T-shirt idea is great I WANT one & it's a great way to a) make money & b)make people ask questions!!

  13. Anonymous on January 17, 2010 at 11:21 pm

    Okay just for the record, I am not a family member and I read it, and the pay pal button…well I can say I was just wondering why you hadn't done it before, and how I could start my own blog and get paid for it. Way to go girl! Onward and upward.

  14. Zac on January 18, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    I have a blog, but I have not published it yet. I was doing a top ten albums of the year and second guessed it to death. Maybe I will just do a hello world, my name is zac and I don't do crack sort of entry instead. My email is zechariah.cross@gmail.com, but you don't need to add it.

    P.S. Do you have Twitter?

  15. Rob on January 18, 2010 at 3:47 pm

    I'm glad there's a lot of record setting being done here.

    Here's a question that Jamie might know: Does Costa Rica have any athletes in the Winter Olympics? 🙂

  16. Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary on January 18, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    oh jeez, Rob, you're right – a ridiculous amount of record setting.

    I have no idea if CR has any Winter Olympic athletes! I can't imagine they would, since there is no snow or ice…or cold…anywhere in the entire country. ever. But they may have some kind of "Cool Runnnings" team hiding somehwere. Now I feel a compulsive need to google the answer…

  17. Rob on January 18, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    You really are the Worst Missionary.

    You're going to make me go ask my daughter … it's your diabolical way of trying to make fathers and daughters communicate with one another.

    (She just walked through the kitchen break dancing and singing in Spanish. She scares me, sometimes).

  18. Brian on January 19, 2010 at 2:34 pm

    where did that sweet paypal button come from?

  19. Anonymous on May 31, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    I was just introduced to your blog by a friend and was reading your old stuff. Pay Pay huh? Have you ever read The Spirituality of Fund-Raising by Henri J.M. Nouwen? It is interesting and encouraging. You might feel better after reading it!

  20. Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary on May 31, 2010 at 4:04 pm

    Thanks Anon, I'll try to get my hands on that book. I'm a fan of Henri Nouwan. I've read a few books on support raising that have been great, and really helped shape a positive perspective on fund raising for me.

    Thanks for the recommendation! 🙂

  21. Rebecca on July 10, 2010 at 10:22 am

    Sorry Jamie, hate it break it to you, but I'm pretty sure you have more than eleven readers.
    I live in Iowa, and I don't even remember how I found your blog. Not word of mouth, just stumbled upon your witty hilarity online. I even had to try to explain to my husband why I'm reading the blog of a person I've never met. Kinda like stalking but socially acceptable or something.
    Anyways, my husband's an MK, and I kind of want to be a missionary, thus I really enjoy your blog, because I gather that you don't wear ankle-lenght skirts, make-up free, and you make it seem possible for normal people with normal thoughts to be missionaries!
    Anyways, now that I've been awkward…have a great day!

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