I’ve written like fourteen OTHER blogs in a gigantic effort to NOT write this one. The good news is that I now have a bunch of stuff in the can that you are just gonna love. Or hate.
Ok. Before I do this, I want you to know, like deep down in the pit of your stomach – um, is that even a thing? Sounds gross. – but anyway, so in your stomachpit, I want you to know that doing this makes me very very very…very uncomfortable. Like, flossing your teeth an hour before you go to the dentist kind of uncomfortable; where you know you should do it and you should have been doing it all along but you didn’t even though you really want healthy teeth and nice breath and all that so probably your dentist is gonna think you’re a moron but he’s also gonna be really happy you came in cause he’s been wanting to clean your teeth for awhile now. This all feels like that.
Alright, here it is: It has very recently come to my attention that a couple of people are, for real, reading this retarded mind dump of a blog. I know. I can’t believe it either. But as far as I can tell, it’s the truth. Some people even like it. Which just blows my freakin’ mind.
So, the other day I posted this. And it was in no way intended to be a feel-sorry-for-the-poor-poor-missionary kind of thing. I swear it wasn’t like that. Compared to many other support based missionaries, we are doing ok. But just barely. So then, this guy, Zac, posted a comment, and it said: …“Anyways, I think you should set up a paypal account for donations. I am sure you have a base church or denomination that handles your donations, but I would gladly donate to you. I am not rich by any means (in fact, quite the opposite), but I am sure $20 bucks here and there from your readers would help you guys out.”
And then somebody else echoed that same sentiment. And I was like “Holy Shi..mmoley! Someone wants to give me money! For writing a horrible blog!… I mean…For being a missionary and serving Jesus in Latin America!”
So I called El Chupacabra to ask if we had a paypal account and he said “Why? What are you buying.” And I was all “Shut up. What if I do wanna buy something. So what?” And then he reminded me that we didn’t have any money which reminded me why I had called him. So I told him and he said something about how I probably misunderstood the comment because everybody knows that it is the hardest thing in the world for missionary’s to get people to give them money, especially when the economy is in the crapper. But, then I read him the comment, and he was all, “Go for it babe. I’ve always wanted a sugar-mama.” So what I’m getting at, is that I have his full support.
You’ve probably already guessed what’s happening here. That’s right. People are losing their minds/reading The Very Worst Missionary. AND. I am adding a Paypal donate button to my blog. There I said it.
I know I’m making a big deal about this. And that’s because I’m afraid of what you’ll think when you see that little “donate” thingy pop up over there on the right. I don’t want you do think to yourself, “Oh, I see how it is. Typical missionary asking for money.” Cause I’m not asking you for money. Yet. Just kidding. Sort of. No, I am kidding. Mostly.
Gah! Do you see how disgusting this is??? (If you’re a missionary, I know you understand.)
So here’s the deal. I’m adding a donate button. Use it if you want. Don’t if you don’t. I’m cool either way. I still can’t even believe that you’re here. All eleven of you.
Thank you for coming here. Thank you for engaging in life with me. Thanks for your tremendous encouragement and for your prayers. Thanks for seeking God alongside me. The privilege is all mine, really. Thanks just for reading.
Oh, and my birthday is in September… Just, ya know, saying…. 😉
Now. Let’s never speak of this again.