..so that’s why I’m tired.

I’m super tired. And it’s only Wednesday.

I blame NBC.

Seriously, why are the Olympics on so late? Ok, maybe NBC isn’t entirely at fault. But they are definitely mostly at fault.

I guess my stupid dog, Osita, is also partly to blame because, hmm…how to put this delicately… the bitch is in heat. I know, I know. I’m the worst dog pimp in the world! She should be fixed. I agree whole whole whole heartedly. But, I’ve never raised puppy’s before, and I thought I had, like, a year to get that done! So now her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. And sometimes it brings the boys that can squeeze their mangy butts through the gate into the house and then I have to chase them away with a broom and they growl at me and it’s kinda scary. Needless to say, I’ve been up throughout the night because every time I hear a noise I’m simply positive that it’s my trashy dog bumpin’ uglies with one of the neighborhood tramps. And we do not want more puppies. That would be baaad. The obvious plus-side to this mess is that between various family members belting out the Milkshake song or Neil Diamonds, Girl, you’ll be a woman soon, and the never ending quips about “Ho-sita the floozy dog with loose morals.”, laughter and song reign once again in the home of the VWM.

Oh, and the other thing is that we’ve been under nightly attack by mosquitos the size of my thumb. They wait until the lights go out and then they buzz right past your ear to let you know that you are about to be feasted upon. We tried to sleep through it the first night, the buzzing and the biting, the itching and scratching. But the constant slapping at the air, and the twitching and flinging of arms and legs proved too much. At 2 am, El Chupacabra and I jumped out of bed and waged all out war until nothing remained but guts and wings and our pj’s were marked with blood. True. It was our blood. And I do have bites where no one should ever be bitten by anything. Ever. But as we were leaping and diving and jabbing at mosquitos like Samurai warriors, but in slow motion like in the Matrix, it was obvious to me that John Eldredge was right and that I was created for an adventure of epic proportions. (Um..Ok, maybe I was the only one doing that and maybe El Chupacabra was like, “What the hell are you doing?!” and maybe Eldredge thinks I’m supposed to be more princess than bad-ass mosquito killer. But, whatever. I’m pretty sure my “moves” looked super cool. *shakes head emphatically No, they did not*)

So that’s why I’m tired.

Oh, and then, yesterday, I was holding a little girl at the precario while the bigger kids played games, and she full-out peed on me. So that’s why I have Hepatitis. …Or Dengue Fever. Or some other horrible communicable disease that is transmitted from urine through skinny jeans to flesh and then goes straight to the kidneys. My organs are probably failing as I write this.

*sniff, cough, sniffle, hupchoooo*

Oh dear.

So, are you tired? (That’s a funny question, cause everyone I know is pretty much always tired. Have you ever said “I’m tired.” and had the response be “Not me! I feel GREAT!”? Huh. Me neither.) Here’s a better question: WHY are you tired?



  1. Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary on February 24, 2010 at 11:50 am

    So I was totally gonna link the milkshake song, but i watched the video and…. no. Just no.

  2. Brian on February 24, 2010 at 1:09 pm

    My wonderful, sweet, and amazing daughter…that's why i'm tired!

  3. Brian on February 24, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    oh and the mosquitoes really are that big, i can vouch. Have you tried the Raid Plugins? They work pretty well.

  4. Britany on February 24, 2010 at 1:40 pm

    An eight week old cutie and an almost 3 year old with a broken finger that has the flu… ya know the throw up variety.

  5. chrisnoelle on February 24, 2010 at 3:18 pm

    Jamie, you are a hoot. If you lived here, we would so hang out and watch our men swat mosquitos while we laid around, telling funny stories all night. That and a naughty 2 year old boy is why I am always tired around here. 😉

  6. Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary on February 24, 2010 at 4:28 pm

    Brian – I love that you are a stay-at-home Dad!! That's a very good kind of tired! Thanks for the Raid suggestion, i'll check it out.

    Oh Britany – I am so sorry! The red head is having a tough week, huh! I hope he's feeling better soon, and that you get some rest!

    chrisnoelle – Totally. That sounds like a perfect night! 2 y/o boys have a way of keeping Moms very tired!! I remember those days soooo well.

  7. Walking to China on February 24, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    I'm tired because I am up at 5AM doing my Chinese homework. – writing 31 past tense sentences! I was too tired to do them last night, so I set my alarm for 4:44 AM. Now I'll be tired all day!

  8. Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary on February 24, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    Chinese?! at 5am!! I'm tired just thinking about it!

  9. Rodger and Lynne Schmidt Mozambique on February 24, 2010 at 11:46 pm

    UUUMMMM! 8,000 chickens. 11 male interns, a team from the United States, lunch to prepare for 10 people, a househelper who decided not to show up today, an oldest son who just got beat up by another kid at boarding school, a mother who has a brain tumor and isn'd doing so well, heat, ……and a partridge in a pear tree????

    Don't you have mosquito nets in Costa Rica? I could send you an invention i've seen here in mozambique. It's an electric bug zapper that looks like a tennis raquet. So when you kill the mosquitos, it's actually fun…kinda…if your a simpleton like me. 🙂

  10. Carrie on February 24, 2010 at 11:56 pm

    5 kids, 1 dog, 3 cats, 1 husband, 1 big house, and mission work. Tiring!

    Well, that, and staying up entirely too late reading Uncle Ton's Cabin.

    I had to skim the mosquito paragraph, as it made me very, very angry. I hate those suckers! LOL!

  11. Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary on February 25, 2010 at 12:02 am

    Lynne, I pray for you and your ministry every single day!! What you guys are doing, and the way you are engaging in the lives of those young men, while looking after the needs of your own young men is completely awesome to me! I am so so so very sorry to hear about your son and your Mom. I pray you will have peace! Much Love, Jamie

    Carrie – FIVE KIDS?!?! Good grief, that has to be tiring. How old are they??

  12. Anonymous on February 25, 2010 at 7:29 am

    I just have two kids, two cats, one dog…not alot to compain about…cause I love it all, even though I get tired. I wouldn't trade it. God bless you all who are doing the work of the Lord in your homes, with your kids, with others kids, within communites and nations and countries…and all God has called you to. Really, the season is so short in comparison to eternity with HIM. Blessings~ Dawn

  13. tracey on February 25, 2010 at 9:51 am

    I'm getting ready to be the Very Worst Missionary Canadian version – only not quite as funny & I'll be swatting at moose not mosquitos – & I'm working on Immigration issues, creating a non-profit organization & moving my daughter her senior year of high School – that's why I'm tired.

  14. Carrie on February 25, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    My kids range in age from 5-13 (all homeschooled. AAAAAHHH!). They are all spoiled rotten and drive me crazy on a regular basis—but I adore them. Most of the time 😉

  15. Jenna on February 25, 2010 at 5:45 pm

    kids for me too. an insane incessant-talker who's 5 (is it bad that i pretend to listen to her and throw in an emphatic "cooool! oh wow!" every once in awhile?). a bipolar monkey who's 3 (ok, the bipolar thing is what her condition would translate into for an adult). and a nursing once-or-twice-each-night 6 month old. plus i hurry around doing everything because i'm oh so not good at organizing and planning. i think i'll be tired until i'm 50 because of all this.

  16. Melody on February 25, 2010 at 9:45 pm

    I laughed so hard at this post. I totally needed this tonight! Yeah, I'm tired too and I think it's cuz I accidently took a pain killer instead of my hormone pill….Niiiiice one! Good nigh

  17. Anonymous on February 26, 2010 at 1:20 am

    Ok, about that dog.

    1. Dog birth control pills exist. So do kitty ones, I am a big fan.

    2. Vermox (mebendazole) is an abortifacient. So, if you Vermox your cat every time she stops eating because you think she might have worms, and then she gains weight but mysteriously doesn't have kittens but once a year…I swear, I didn't know. I thought she was having false pregnancies or something. Um, until the time I was out of pills and she got out right before I went on furloug…

    Hope this evil info is useful

  18. Carrie on February 26, 2010 at 2:07 am

    Oh, and I totally expected you to say you were pregnant as to why you're tired. LOL!

  19. Zac on March 1, 2010 at 9:37 am

    Sorry for not commenting on this sooner, but I just want to relate something that happened last night that relates to this post as well as your awesome conclusion on The secret to driving in Costa Rica.

    I work 2 jobs. 1 is a full time job that is 45 minutes to an hour each way depending on how many idiots, I mean slowpokes get in my way. The other is a paper route, which means that I never get a day off. In fact days that people typically get off like Christmas and Thanksgiving are the two biggest papers of the year!

    So everyday I have to get up at like 4:30, do my paper route, then goto work. Anyways, I was also taking online classes so that I could get a better job and quit the papers. The problem is, after you subtract all the hours for my 2 jobs, it doesn't leave nearly enough to spend time with my wife and son as well as do school work. I would procrastinate, which I am the best at, and crunch all of my school work into the weekend.

    I am not stressed very much by my two jobs, but trying to time manage between spending time with my wife, son, and do school work stressed me out to no end. So even though it seems like I am quiting something that may have made life easier in the future, I just needed to know my limits. So thank you for being an example.

  20. Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary on March 1, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    No way Zac! I cannot believe you're doing all that at once! I mean, I totally understand your motives (improving your education to improve your job standing, and all) – but WOW!! I would be very, very cranky if I had all that on my plate!!

    So, then did you drop your classes???

  21. Zac on March 1, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    Yeah, it is just too much. Plus, when I think about the direction God is calling me and my family, I was only thinking of this schooling as a way to pay off student loans faster. So in the end I just added more student loans to pay. So theres that haha. I can't tell you how much more peaceful today was. Thanks again!

  22. DD on March 24, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    I'm tired due to the premie that is now 12 years old and is perpetually sick and then when she was 5 my husband had a severe head injury due to a car accident that was not his fault.It was a harrowing recovery,where he often asked me why he didn't just die.He is challenged with memory,focus and processing.The worst of it is that he can be very difficult with our 12 year old.The other reason I am so tired is as a pastor's kid I still try to live up to impossibly standards that will nag till the day I breathe my last.(I am the VWM because I didn't even go to the field or marry a pastor)We are christians and have given our testimony about the things we have been through many times but I feel the expectation of christians is for me to say that everything is all right now because God did a miraculous thing for my husband.It's just the same way I felt the expectation for everyone to see that a pastor's family is perfect.It's like people need to see perfection somewhere cause life is so tough down here.They have a hard time accepting that you can experience the miraculous in a situation but it doesn't mean everything becomes perfect.We had a great miracle but his situation is still hard every day.If that were not the case why would we need God?What would cause us to be continually on our knees if life suddenly became perfect.I appreciate your salty language 'cause there are things in life that are so awful there is no polite way to say them.I think that if Jesus where in the room he would understand that behind "unacceptable" language(from christian perspective)is pain.It is the language of pain.

  23. Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary on March 24, 2010 at 5:41 pm

    Wow, DD, I'm touched by your story. But even more moved by your honesty!

    You spoke a lot of truth in one comment, girl. How sad that so many Christians buy in to the lie that says "….and Jesus made it all ok.", when there are so many suffering, deeply and continually, and reveling in the mystery of a God that stoops, deeply and continually, to help us carry on.

    Do you have a blog, DD? It sounds like you have an amazing story to tell…

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