The VWM gets censored…. kinda…

“We understand that your blog is personal, and we know we can’t censor it. In fact, we have no problems with the tone or spirit of what you are saying in your blog. But we’d like you to say it differently. We’re not telling you what you can or cannot say, we’re just telling you how you can or cannot say it. Mkay?”

So, just to be clear…you don’t want to censor my blog, but you do want to tell me what words I can use….?

…Yeah. That’s the gist of the conversation I had with my sending agency this week.

I’m really not all that surprised. Christians have been trying to save me ever since I became one. So it’s really not all that shocking to have it happen again.

I can’t say it doesn’t hurt though.

The blow was delivered by a truly lovely woman, someone I respect, and who, I believe, was just doing her job. And even though she was so nice about it, it still stung. It stings now even.

And it leaves me wondering who it is that gets to decide what is wholesome and what is not, what is helpful for building others up and what is not, what is beneficial and what is not. Who chooses what is useful and what is not?

I’ve always felt that part of the problem with the church is that is has no feet. We are a giant, wobbly, disjointed body with no feet. If we were a real person, there would be a documentary about our hideous existence. And the freaks that like documentaries about that kinda stuff (me included) would Netflix it, and watch in stunned silence because it would be so totally grotesque to see the Church, all deformed and lumpy, and barely able to speak with her own mouth because even her lips were at odds with each other. We would find out that she was indeed born with feet, but that she hated the idea of any part of her body getting dirty so she used her hands to chop them off. With her misshapen head lagging off to one side, she would slur that she tried for years to make her feet act more like hands, but that they were always a mess, always covered in filth. And even though it was their job to touch the ground, to stand in the dirt, even though they were designed for that, it made the rest of her body so uncomfortable that she let her hands whack ‘em off. Then the feet would come into focus in the background, severed, and floating loosely in a pickle-jar behind her, doing no good for anyone…

I’m not afraid to get dirty. But it makes some people uncomfortable.

Now I’m being called upon to write a blog for an audience of Christians that don’t like the way I talk. And that pretty much makes me want to stop blogging all together.

You know, one of the things that always strikes me as odd, is how often people tell me, “Your honesty is refreshing”, or “Thank you for your transparency”, “Thanks for being ‘real’” And every time I see or hear those words, I think to myself, How sad that honesty, transparency, and realness seem to be such rare commodities of Christ’s Church.

But, it appears that what is more important to the Church is a facade of “Wholesomeness”, designed by a select few, and insuperable by all.

So where does this leave the feet, like me? Is my choice to act like a hand, or else climb on in the pickle-jar? Ouch….

I dunno. Here’s a little something from 1 Corinthians 12 to chew on:

The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

*heavy sigh*



  1. Kirk on February 6, 2010 at 6:29 pm

    Wow…I wish I could think of something wise or comforting to say.

    I hope you and they can resolve this quickly so you can refocus on God's work.

  2. curiousceridwen on February 6, 2010 at 6:33 pm

    Well. I'm not gonna lie. More than once I've wondered just *who* sent you guys out…and if they were extremely cool or just hadn't found your blog. I was hoping it was the former, but I should have known better.

    Just when I was getting optimistic.

    Somehow I never commented on your bitches and worship post (that I remember anyway. Stalkers occasionally have memory lapses…which helps during criminal proceedings…) but that was pretty great. The day after you posted it, I read it aloud to a friend of mine who was over to say goodbye before leaving for Cote'd'Ivoire (that's got all kinds of spelling errors I'm pretty sure) for three years. And she appreciated it too. And I realize I need to comment *every* time I read something that resonates because it takes, what, 117 positives to outweigh a negative? Feels that way anyway.

    All that to say, I'm sorry it stung, sorry it was even said, and sorrier that now you're in the position of deciding whether submission or honesty wins in the rock-paper-scissors of ministry.

  3. nickolas Reid on February 6, 2010 at 6:39 pm

    damn…. ain't that a *censor*… lol … I love how missionary's are monitored… lol? you've already volunteered to go on a "mission" for christ…. isn't that enough? …. to be a missionary… this puzzles me because see here at a missionary
    –noun Also, mis⋅sion⋅er.
    1. a person sent by a church into an area to carry on evangelism or other activities, as educational or hospital work.
    2. a person strongly in favor of a program, set of principles, etc., who attempts to persuade or convert others.
    3. a person who is sent on a mission.
    4. pertaining to or connected with religious missions.
    5. engaged in such a mission, or devoted to work connected with missions.
    6. reflecting or prompted by the desire to persuade or convert others: the missionary efforts of political fanatics.
    7. characteristic of a missionary.

    censoring a missionary is kind of like a oxymoron… i think? lol, i dunno. smile jamie, think of it as fun.

  4. Emily :) on February 6, 2010 at 6:57 pm

    Um. I was just about to blog about how the church doesn't like to get "messy". Blog thought stealer!! 😛

  5. Hazel on February 6, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    We've had that conversation too. Don't let it put you off. Keep being honest.

  6. Alex Green on February 6, 2010 at 7:47 pm

    Can I just be the catalyst for rebellion right now and tell you not to change a damn thing? I've shed so many tears realizing that because I'm not a proper little girl, I'm loathed. If we don't get dirty, who the eff will?

    Tell whomever the order came from that some christians even curse from the pulpit. In fact, some of us even say Christians are creepy jerks. And some of those "some of uses" are teachers at Denver Seminary.

    I know, the lady who said it is someone you respect. But some people need to get over themselves and their frivololity and realize that Jesus hung out with and ministered to whores like me.

  7. Zac on February 6, 2010 at 8:21 pm

    This reminds me of the famous Tony Campolo quote:

    I have three things to say today. 1st: While you were sleeping last night 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to malnutrition. 2nd: Most of you don’t give a shit. 3rd: What’s worse is that you are more upset with the fact that I said shit than the fact that 30,000 kids died last night.

    It bothers me how much Christians try to point out specks in your eye while ignoring their planks.

    Now since you are always honest and transparent I will be honest with you. One person I shared your blog with was offended and told my wife, "that blog post had swearing, you should be worried about the things he is reading." I was so outraged that someone would say that. I hate when Christians judge others.

    God deals with different people in different ways. Maybe one Christian God convicts them about their speeding, while another about their swearing, another about their pride, etc. If the person who has been convicted to stop speeding starts telling the other two, who have other things that they are dealing with, that they aren't Christians because they speed. What a hypocritical statement! He could be swearing and be prideful, but as long as he isn't speeding he thinks he is perfect.

    The same can be said with swearing. Some people take offense to the tiniest curse. However, God may have dealt with other areas in your life and really didn't find that a high priority on things to change about you. In fact I wouldn't doubt that sometimes God uses "swear words" for good (see the Tony Campolo quote).

    Anyways, I think that we all will be praying for you and hope that you will choose to continue to blog. I hope you don't just conform to their every demand, but if you feel convicted to do so, who are we to judge. It would break my heart if you stopped blogging, but if you decide to stop I can respect that.

    P.S. You should not stop blogging… please! pretty please!

    P.S.S. Why not write the conclusion to your cliffhanger earlier this week, see how you feel about that post, and then make your decision.

    P.S (cubed). I just want to say the reason I love your blog is the subtle formula that you probably don't even consciously think about, but I think it is what works for me: You start out with something that is either A) Humorous B) Humiliating or C) Controversial… and then right before you think you know what your post is about… WHAM you hit us with a spiritual thought that usually rocks my world for the day.
    (Sorry if none of that makes sense, but that is how God uses your blog, for me anyways).

  8. Rebekah on February 6, 2010 at 8:37 pm

    Ugh. I started reading your blog just a few weeks ago, and no more than a couple days ago, I sent a link to a friend, telling her it was refreshingly real. And how glad I always am to come across Christians who are "real," because it makes me feel like I'm not crazy. I hope you're able to keep that honesty and candor in your blog, and it makes me sad that some find it inappropriate.

  9. Anonymous on February 6, 2010 at 9:43 pm

    Here's the thing. You say what many people feel but don't say. I've been told that about myself. We're truthtellers. We're admired for it. But then resented for it too.

    I was also told a while back that I'm a pot stirrer. That hurt until I was told Jesus was too.

    If you make some people uncomfortable, so be it. You're not sticking your neck out for Christians to be comfortable. You're working for God. Just like Jesus did. And I'm assuming your blog's purpose is to share how life is not perfect just because you're a Christian missionary.It's perfectly imperfect because you, me, everybody needs God. Obviously, you're fulfilling your purpose.

    Back off, nice lady. Jaime is reaching the people who need God. oh yeah, and that includes you.

    From one pot stirrer to another. I love you. And we really need your blog.


  10. Anonymous on February 6, 2010 at 10:48 pm

    people my age – (40-50 range!!) were taught how to be an Episcopalian or a Catholic or Presbyterian, etc. – more like joining a club or country club – whilst never being taught what it means to be a Christian.

    "Born-againers", whom I have found to be the most hypocritical of us all, seem to want to teach the world how to "be" THEIR kind of Christian. Which is just another form of "organized" religion.

    Jamie – You, Steve and the boys all have joined the "real life Christians" club. Your work and life (and blog!!) will be an example of what it means to BE a Christian not ACT like a Christian.

    May you continue to walk in grace and know you are loved.


  11. Zac on February 6, 2010 at 10:50 pm

    P.S.S.S.S. I posted this on your facebook, but thought it was the perfect quote for this situation:

    Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. – Dr. Seuss

    Think about that quote from God's perspective. Perhaps you have a core audience that your blog touches in a unique way. That is why you write and that is why we come back. The ones who don't like it are meant to find their inspiration elsewhere.

  12. nickollas reid on February 6, 2010 at 11:16 pm

    lol, so loved. what the people request the people get… so.. uh,… MORE BLOGGING!!!! GO! 😉

  13. Anonymous on February 6, 2010 at 11:21 pm

    just started reading your blog recently (thanks liz!) and being a person who is also "on the field" i have to tell you i feel comforted, refreshed and inspired by your courage and, yep, your honesty & realness :). thanks for being willing to put it out there.

    much respect, monica

  14. sundog on February 6, 2010 at 11:29 pm

    This post in itself proves that you have an uncanny ability to paint word pictures and speak truth and you didn't even use one bit of (what has been deemed in this particular space and time by some particular group to be) profanity. Please don't stop blogging.

  15. Joe Sewell on February 6, 2010 at 11:50 pm

    The others have said it well, but let me echo the sentiment: keep on doing what GOD tells you to do! If your "sending agency" doesn't like it, tell them to take it up with your boss, who is supposed to be their boss, too! Point them to Acts 5-6.

    Honestly, this is the first time I've read your blog, though I've seen you comment on several times. But I'm saying it again: do what God tells you to do, and how God tells you to do it, not just how your "agency" wants it!

    And shame on your sending agency.

  16. sundog on February 7, 2010 at 12:01 am

    Had to come back and post again… it's past my bedtime, but we were just discussing Matthew 9 and it just fits.

    16"No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch will pull away from the garment, making the tear worse. 17Neither do men pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved."

    Jesus was talking about trying to confine the new covenant (the gospel) within the old one (a bunch of rules). The Pharisees were always on him for being out of the confines of their 'rules'. The Pharisees also thought he was a glutton and a drunkard:

    Matthew 11:19 The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and "sinners." ' But wisdom is proved right by her actions."

    I love that last line.

    There is a new generation coming up and just as the boundaries have always changed over time, they are changing again. Those boundaries as we may have known them are being obliterated. Words that used to be 'inappropriate' are now used in every day language.

    It's always been that the church lags behind and is afraid of change. It comes around eventually… it has to. Too bad sometimes it is painfully slow.

  17. Brook Sarver on February 7, 2010 at 12:49 am

    My wife and I are serving as missionaries in Thailand. Stumbling upon your honest looks at life around you and transparent reflections on work here and there has been a blessing!

    I just wish I had the balls to say what needs to be said instead of being so worried about what "they" will think…

    Keep your head up! We look forward reading more!

  18. Carrie on February 7, 2010 at 12:59 am

    This is the very reason why I didn't announce my blog to my agency or home church.

    Keep blogging, Jamie. You're a blessing!

  19. Becca H on February 7, 2010 at 6:06 am

    Yes, Jamie. I agree with what all these people said. Your very funny accounts of life help me to laugh at my own missionary life. It's awesome how you say what you say. I'm always amazed at the depth of your thoughts- parroting, worship, sacrifice sucks let's call it something else. And your prayer postcard blog made my week when I found it. (my friend showed me your blog a week ago). so, i'm praying for you and your family, imagining you in that stellar pose on the tracks, pulling for grace and truth to continue to abound to you and in the VWM blog.

  20. Rob on February 7, 2010 at 11:29 am


    When I started Bikers' Church, we were "cutting edge". Very few had done anything like it. I threw away my suits and grew my hair back out and became the person God designed me to be.
    At a conference of my denomination, a seasoned minister that I had respected so much (although we didn't really know each other), came up to me and told me that I was a disgrace to pastors. That I should cut my hair, clean up, and stop behaving like a rebellious sinner.

    It crushed me.

    I went back to my hotel room and cried out to God. I considered giving up the whole thing because of what this incredible man of God had said to me.

    And then, God spoke to me. He said, "Now you know what it's like to be condemned by those who claim to love me. Out of that hurt, you will truly be able to minister to those who have felt rejection by the church."

    I have hung on to those words since that day. As I watch people begin a journey with God … people who had been burned by the church many years prior … I thank God for that day when I was told I was an embarrassment to pastors.

    So, wear this as a badge on your heart. God has not called you to a "clean, easy ministry." He's called you to get dirty and messy. To wipe the snot off an orphan. To clean the open sores of a child.

    You can't get dirty without getting criticized.

  21. kathy on February 7, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    Well said, Rob.
    My heart aches for yours, Jamie.
    I am at a loss for words…. other than to say your journey of faith continues to bring joy to my heart and encouragement to my soul.
    Unfortunately, the deepest wounds received in ministry most often come from within.
    … you are loved

  22. kathy on February 7, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    ps StAY OuT Of the PiCKLe jAr!!!!!!!!!!!

  23. MadHatter on February 7, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    I found you a couple of weeks ago, can't remember how so I'll just chalk it up to divine direction. Jamie, you refresh me. I have been a "real" Christian, living more and more sold out to Jesus every day for 8 years. What holds me back some days is the noise from other Christians. I'm afraid to mis-step, to say something to brash, to really be myself b/c of what they will say, not because of any condemnation Christ has for me. My husband and I have been dancing around the missions questions for over a year. I found your blog and both love and hate you at the same time, because you prove that normal people can do that missions thing. Keep your feet girl, and paint your toenails Rahab-red while you're at it!

  24. Pam L on February 7, 2010 at 2:22 pm

    I think we all know the pressures of doing what others want us to do. Whether it's our parents, our boss, our spouse, or our church, those pressures are all around us. Just today, Chuck felt the need to shave because he was going to church. I always tell him that God doesn't care whether he has a little peach fuzz on his face or not, but we all know other people often "judge on appearances."

    I think it ultimately comes down to what's in your heart. Our existence on this earth is to glorify God and reflect Him. Maybe this latest "test" isn't about the test itself but about your reaction. I don't want to be cliche, but what would Jesus do? Really? When we are in tune with Him, we become clear on the actions we should take; whether other people agree with us or not. I say go with whatever He tells you. Just make sure you honestly seek Him first and don't respond out of emotion (which is probably pretty raw right now).

    I will pray for you, dear Jamie. I will pray that God makes it crystal clear to you what steps you should take. Think big. Think beyond what you see and what may lie underneath. God is working in this too…

  25. Anonymous on February 7, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    and that is why i quit my job once.

    for realsies.

    "you can't talk about xyz on your blog"


    "because it could reflect poorly on us."


    "because people will question our integrity of hiring you."

    and goodbye.

  26. nick reid on February 7, 2010 at 11:30 pm

    lol, you know I had a client who was a news reporter for the washington post or a columust i guess.. she was a writer.. but she wrote columes for the WP. Anyways' she told me its hard with the internet and they are downsizing even though the amount of news being viewed is at all times high compared to recent years… she told me and i quote "only columists or decent reporters left strike a natural controversy that the public needs, thats why they still have jobs even.." so…. maybe this is just a stepping stone.. I can see it now, they might even give u an all too fake name like, miss controversy 😉

  27. deemus on February 8, 2010 at 1:53 am

    Not surprised your agency censored you. Christian organizations will likely always have issues with their staff cussing. Kind of like when Baptists don't recognize each other at the liquor store. (I know this from personal experience) In many ways, ministries are run like businesses, and they don't want the help running off the customers. (aka donors)

    Not surprised you have not commented on the comments. You are probably really hurting right now. Don't let it crush you. Let God mould you.

    I think the fact that you are doing this blog not as an extension of your organization, but as a personal expression, makes a difference.

    I love coming here Jamie. I am a rough critic, and not easily impressed. I rub shoulders with famous and infamous every day. I know the big boys, and deal with them up close. Its just hard to impress me these days.

    That said, I must say I like to read your blog. You are well spoken, funny and insightful. And honest, and real.

    I get the organization's point. But I can't say i agree with them completely. You gotta do what you gotta do. I would hate to see you get booted (its happened), as I think you and El Chupa could be very effective in reaching the unchurched.

    My prayers are that God gives you wisdom, and that you continue to share your heart openly, even if you don't cuss while doing it.

    Be strong and remember, God always causes us to triumph in Christ Jesus.

  28. Zac on February 8, 2010 at 9:02 am

    I just listened to a sermon about judging that is definitely relevant to this conversation. It is by Rob Bell (not sure your opinion of him, but I think you will like it). You can download it here. It is from January 10, 2010 called Judging. Here is a direct link to the mp3 and this is a link to the slides.

    Still praying for you!

  29. Zac on February 8, 2010 at 9:04 am

    OK it didn't let me link straight to the mp3 for some reason, but you can download it at the first link.

  30. chrisnoelle on February 8, 2010 at 9:34 am

    Pray. Talk to hubby. Pray. Listen. Keep blogging.

    As long as you feel led by God, keep on keeping on. He's got your back.

    I pray that our ''religions'' get it. So worried about ''looking'' as certain way. Jesus wasn't concerned with that. Whatever the Father wanted which was to go against the religious leaders of the day. Being real and transparent is the way to reach the lost, and bring Jesus into view.

    * you made me laugh so hard with your Parrot post…real life is funny!!!!

  31. Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary on February 8, 2010 at 9:24 pm

    Thanks, guys, for such an incredible show of support!!! You are one seriously cool group of people!!! I read and appreciated every single comment above. Your encouragement filled me up and blessed me in so many ways!!


  32. Lindsey on February 8, 2010 at 10:04 pm

    Jamie, you're so….real. hehe 🙂

  33. Scott Baker on February 8, 2010 at 11:25 pm

    I'd just tell you to keep your head up and keep being yourself, but it's already been said. Really, I'm just sad that any of it needs to be said at all. Americans' inability to separate their own cloying cultural mores from the teaching and life of Christ is choking our ability to reach anyone with the gospel not already predisposed to agree with us or with a weaker composition than ourselves. It's something that supposedly we're recognizing more and more on the mission field, that since the gospel exists without a specific culture, we must allow indigenous cultures their own expressions of Christianity. How ironic that we have the ability to express that with regard to foreign cultures but the older, white, conservative among us think that they are within their rights to dictate propriety for American Christians. But really, if we're honest, we recognize it not as irony but as condescension that insists on continually treating those of us that fail to conform the same way they treat foreign cultures on the mission field: paternalistically. At least they afford foreign cultures a thinly-veiled veneer of tolerance. It's as insulting as it is un-Biblical.

    Chin up, Jamie. Onward.

  34. Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary on February 9, 2010 at 7:33 am

    Scott, You are dead-on. I couldn't agree more. Unfortunately for me, it is typically older, white, conservative America that funds missions. So my survival (and that of my family) is dependent upon their approval. *shudder*

    Thanks for your input and encouragement!

  35. Zac on February 9, 2010 at 11:04 am

    "my survival (and that of my family) is dependent upon their approval. *shudder*"

    That is until the day you are entirely funded by that little pay pal button! haha

    Hey, it could happen 🙂

  36. Carrie on February 9, 2010 at 11:52 am

    I, too, am funded by the churches. So I become all things to all men—or don't let my left hand know what my right hand is doing—or I'm just a big ol' chicken. If I were completely honest, I would have to admit that it is the latter.

    Thanks for not being a chicken. Thanks for being a light in a dark world.

    Besides, I HAVE to hear the rest of the story with the teacher…

  37. Theo V. on February 9, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    If it is for freedom that Christ has freed us… why do we try so hard to keep the yoke of slavery on our shoulders?

    Why, if Christ has fulfilled the law and our faith is counted as righteousness do we continue to pile up unbearable burdens of the law?

    "Yeah… but you can't just go around doing whatever you want right, and saying as you like? I mean if we all did that we'd be no better than the heathan masses?"

    Well if that's true, that what we'd like to do is the same thing as the "heathens" have our minds been refreshed daily? Have our hearts been changed? Have we really died to self and been raised in Christ?

    No… I think those who would censure…those who would lay a legal burden on others backs simply have not tasted that the Lord is good, his mercy endures forever, and that he requires grace and not a sacrifice.

    How incredibly heartbreaking … that some professional ministers could believe that a few choice words could make or break their ministry. And to think that the God of the universe could bring forth creation simply by speaking it, and he could rise from the dead and turn water to wine, 5 fish into 5000 and yet fail to overcome the jots and tittles of sin…

    sad indeed….

  38. Scott on February 10, 2010 at 1:33 am

    Give them the finger and blog or play editorial chess for the stability of your mission. Both are ok and arguments can be made for both. I know you'll make a rational decision and stand tall. Just like you did when you guys sold ALL of your shit and moved to a foriegn country.

    The truth is that the majority of traditional ministry people creep me out (I am not alone). You have a gift that allows you to bridge social scenes and cultures. I would rather talk religion, politics, culture, or family with you at a Star Bucks than 1000 ministry drones that say "fudge" when they really mean F-bomb!

    You're like the Christian special forces, called upon to do the jobs other people can't stomach. You make the tough calls in the heat of the battle.

  39. Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary on February 10, 2010 at 8:53 am

    Theo – Two things:

    1) I loved your comment! It rings so, so, so true for me.

    2) "jots and tittles" is now my new favorite phrase. I will be using it as often as humanly possible. so, thank you for that.

    Scott – Thank you!! And for the record, lots of traditional ministry people creep me out, too. I'd prefer not to be one. And I assure you that even if I have to "clean up" my blog, my mouth will remain as crass and offensive as ever – so no worries. Hahaha!!

  40. omahamandy on February 11, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    Seriously. Keep being true to yourself. It makes us all better for it.

  41. Buddy B on February 19, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    Jamie, I am new to your blog but after I subscribed I sent the link to my daughter. This is how I introduced it,

    "There are real people who are Christians or better said Real Christians who are real people."

    We live in a world that sees Christians as hard, judgmental, self-righteous non-loving people. You allow people to see our humanity, warts and all. But the things you show are what will bring people to Jesus, the things that brought them to “Him” in the first place.

    I am a 50+ year old Chairman of the Deacons with an earring. My wife the (will not mention the age) grandmother with the multicolored hair. God picked us for not just who we are but who we can be. He did not start over He used what was already there. It is the way He works.

    Jesus was real, his disciples were real "but" they were caught caught in their role of trying to bring their new status of followers of “the” Rabbi in line with who they were. Think the cast from “The Deadliest Catch” goes to seminary. What a reality show for Christian TV. Much like the fishermen apostles… Imagine what that sending organization would have to say. Real people trying to be religious fits like a bra on a camel. He made us special.

    He gave you the ability to communicate with real people and real Christians at the end of their rope with “Christians” playing at being Christian.

    You are a breath of fresh air. Hang in there and keep up the good work.

  42. Missionaries in La Ceiba, Honduras on February 19, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    Hey girl – just back from Haiti and wanted to catch up on your blogs and came across this entry. Don't feel I need to add much more to what's already been said – you know my thoughts about your blog – that I would LOVE to see you published, that you speak your heart, and if you blog just for the purposes of having your own journal – time to reflect on what's been happening, and allow yourself to put it out there rather than shoving it deep inside – hey – we are the benefitors of your journaling. It's kind of one of those things you either understand, or you don't. Examples of finding humor when your world is crumbling around you – in the middle of working in the refugee hospital during the last few weeks we took time to laugh and rejoice in life. People looking in might wonder what in the world we were laughing about when you looked out into the 30,000 people living underneath a sheet – those people don't understand what you and I do – that you can't let the "world" get in the way of joys in your life – you have Jesus – He's your joy – and if you can't find time to laugh, to find joy, to express your trials and griefs, then you need to dig deeper. Keep on blogging girl ( but I see you already have since I had ELEVEN posts to catch up on). Thanks girl – I love you for who you are!

  43. mimelodie on April 5, 2010 at 7:03 pm

    Have you considered posting under a different name?

  44. mimelodie on April 5, 2010 at 7:03 pm

    So who can we complain to about your being censored?And why can't people who don't like it just not read it?

  45. mimelodie on April 6, 2010 at 7:51 am

    So many young people have left our church the generation gap may break us.I see this current problem that you are having as a part of that same gap.If we don't speak the same language that our young people use,we will lose that entire generation for lack of a christian example that they can follow.

  46. Joshua Rogers on June 14, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Wow, talk about making scripture come alive. These posts are like a treasure trove of breathtaking reality. You seem to be aware of yourself without compromising your integrity. I can't help but wonder if sometimes you feel like writing like Beth Moore but resist, because you know people expect you to be more like a Christian, Roseanne Barr.

  47. Ericka Jackson on July 21, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    We hang out with a group of pastors, missionaries, church people, etc that enjoy their "freedoms". (and by "freedoms" I mean swearing, drinking, and cigars 😉 I grew up in a home/church where that sort of thing was UNACCEPTABLE, and have realized recently just how judgmental most Christians are (and I was included in that; still am sometimes). It's tough, but at the end of the day it's between you and God – no one else can judge your heart!

    And by the way, our mentor pointed out to us a while back that Jesus hung out with FISHERMEN! Yeah, the disciples were fishermen. Not the scholars, not the priests, the FISHERMEN, TAX COLLECTORS, etc etc. Kind of like the 'construction workers' of today! I'm guessing they had some MOUTHS on them, and were far from "appropriate" all the time! So, at least you're in good company! 😉

  48. T & T Livesay on December 17, 2010 at 11:21 pm

    yep. honest and real is very weird to lots of churches … they don't really know what to do with it. it makes my tummy hurt knowing that being real about struggle and faith questions is not okay in their worlds. wrong. so wrong.

  49. Nettie on April 10, 2011 at 9:06 pm

    I appreciate all your posts, even the older ones. I too had my mission decided that they wanted to censor me. It was shocking to hear that I couldn't write a thing without them pre-approving my letters. How awful and demeaning to do that to someone. You go girl!

  50. Nikki on April 24, 2011 at 11:01 pm

    So after reading this i just felt the need to tell you how much i love your blog. i was introduced to it by a missionary aunt (you know those people that are practically related to you but aren't and then when you talk about your aunt, your real aunt gives you a really funny look, yeah her) and i made me think about your kids, i grew up a missionary kid, and even today with my fiancee i stuggle to tell him what is really going on because we are christians, we cant talk about how we really feel. So to see you truely expressing your feelings and being so honest even as a missionary really makes me happy for your kids sakes. hopefully they are able to be free in their expression as you are!

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