A couple of weeks ago, El Chupacabra and I had this conversation:
Him, laughing, “You have to tell them.”
Me: “I will NEVER tell them. I will never tell anyone. I’m already sorry I told you.”
Him: “Jamie, just tell them. They’ll think it’s funny.”
Me: “They will not think it’s funny. They’ll call CPS… or whoever you call in Costa Rica when you need to have someone arrested for doing awful, terrible, despicable things to children.”
Him: “Nobody’s gonna have anybody arrested – You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s hilarious!”
Me: “No. It’s not hilarious. But I didn’t know what else to do. So I improvised – and it worked!! Ok? Let it go…”
Me: “Shut up.”
Me: “I hate you. Go away.”
Him: “Seriously. *chuckling* You have to tell them…”
So yesterday, I sat down with my Burn Victim friend and his Amazing Wife, and I confessed something that I had promised I would take to my grave. El Chupacabra has been bugging me to tell them since it happened, so I did just went and blurted it out. I said, “You guys, I have something to tell you and you’re probably gonna hate me, but -” and then I told them the whole stupid story that I swore I was never gonna tell anybody.
And he was right. They laughed.
And then they said “You have to post that on your blog.” And I was like “No way! I wasn’t even gonna tell you! Why would I go and tell the world that I gave your nine year old SON a birth control pill?”
Pause. Rewind. Read that part again.
Now you’re like, Waiiiit…WHAAAT?!?! She did not! …Did she?”
Yeah. I did. Ok?
Im just gonna say this: It’s not what you think. I mean it is. But when you hear the whole story it will all make perfect sense and we’ll all have a good laugh and then everything can go back to how it was before all this….or you will remove me from your RSS and forget you ever crossed paths with the Very Worst Missionary and I will completely understand., and I mean completely.
Soooo….The problem is I’ve gotta go run some errands right now. I’ll have to post it when I get back. Sorry.
Ooh. And try not to judge me too harshly while I’m gone… I know, I know – “there’s a special place in hell for missionaries who give birth control pills to male children, blah, blah, blah….”
I’m just gonna hit “post” now before I change my mind.