So there’s been all kinds of talk on Twitter because the pastor of an extra-super-mega-church -we’ll call him “Lick Foreign”- made a very bold statement about the awesomeness of his congregation. So, Lick Foreign says this thing and then nearly all of everyone on twitter, including me, was all “WHAT THE…?!” and then Lick Foreign removed the statement, but everybody it still talking about it.
Well, it totally reminded me of this one time, when I was at some Christian conference and I went to get a snack during the break. There were two lines, one on each side of a long stretch of tables offering muffins, and granola bars, and fruit and junk like that. The line moved along as people filled their mini paper plates with little piles of grapes and sweet and salty nut bars. But I had my eye on a muffin. One muffin. It was a chocolate chip muffin, far enough at the bottom of the pile that it could still be there by the time I made it to that end of the line. I was fixated on my muffin, praying a hedge of protection around it, when I blindly reached into a basket of fruit. I put my hand around the first thing I touched, a banana, and began to lift it toward my plate when I felt some resistance. I glanced down to see another hand at the other end of the fruit.
“Whoops – I grabbed your banana!” The words just slipped out…loudly.
Man giggles began to rise up around me as my gaze moved upward to take in the owner of the banana hand. Oh, of course, it was a priest. A real priest. like, with a little, white collar and everything.
I grabbed a priest’s banana and made an accidental double entendre out of it. Awesome. (I’m guessing there’s a special place in hell for a missionary who causes a man of the cloth to blush like a rose blooming in April… or, maybe there’s a special place in heaven. Time will tell.)
But my point is that we’re all guilty of busting out with a ridiculous statement every now and again – Just try and tell me you’ve never said something that you didn’t immediately want to hit the rewind button on. I will call you a liar to your face….or I will judge you harshly in silence. But either way, we’ll both know that you’re not being entirely honest.
So, you know what the priest did when I grabbed his banana? Nothing. He just smiled kindly and looked away. Basically, he ignored it. And even though it would have been hilarious if he had quipped, “That’s what she said” with a sly wink and a flashy grin, I would have been mortified.
When I was thinking about this story this morning, I was reminded that, sometimes, Grace keeps silent.
It sucks to say something really, really, really stupid…or arrogant…or inappropriate, only to have it rubbed in your face for the rest of your life… or for 2 days on Twitter. Ya know? Well, I do know, because I’ve said A LOT of dumb stuff. Like, once, when I unknowingly made a short-bus joke to the Mom of a kid with special needs, or another time when I made a disparaging remark about men and threesomes in front of a church elder (not even kidding), or this other time when I said something about my boss’s breath being like deadly, poison gas, only to find out that she was standing right behind me.
All of these incidents happened years ago, but I’m definitely still learning the whole if-you-say-that-out-loud-you’ll-wish-someone-would-shoot-you-in-the-face-to-kill-your-embarassment thing. Perhaps Lick Foreign is still learning, too. Which is why I wish I had shown him Grace of the silent sort. The same kind of Grace I have been afforded over the years. So now I feel all kinds of bad that I twittered in response to Lick Foreign, and I just wanna say: Sorry, Lick. Next time I won’t twitter up in your business…er…. I mean, I’ll keep my fingers off your junk…er….whatever….you know what I mean.
Ok, people, confess! What’s the most awkward thing you’ve said out loud?