Today is a first for the Very Worst Missionary.
Today, I’m going to meet someone whom I’ve connected with through this blog. Like, in person.
Is that weird? I can’t decide if it’s weird or not….
But I’m honestly very excited. The thought of having a new friend within arms reach fills me with all kinds of…. warm-fuzzies or whatever. And I think I’m also nervous or something, but maybe “nervous” isn’t the right word. I’m not sure, really, because there are very few things in this world that make me nervous. I guess anxious is the best word for it. I’m anxious. Are those the same thing? I have no idea. And I’m babbling because I’m anxiously nervous.
I mean, I’m still working out this whole virtual village thing in my head. While I understand that the people I “meet” here, in internetland, are real people…. I also understand that every one of us has the benefit of thinking about what face we’re showing to the world by carefully choosing the words, photos, ideas, and even the quirks that we hit post on. And, yes, my family and friends and plenty of other people that know me in real life read the VWM, so I feel pretty confident that I represent myself and my family in a fair and honest light. But still. There’s just something about meeting someone new based solely on the things I’ve put here, in blog posts and photos and links to funny crap. Ya know?
So look, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I only post exceptionally good pictures of myself. Like, exceptionally good. Like, so amazingly good they hardly even resemble my real life face kind of good. I think. I don’t know. But yeah, probably.
Oh, and you don’t have to hear my voice when you read these words. That’s a total plus for you, the reader, because I have a really annoying voice. I know this because whenever I call my sisters, they say “Oh, I thought you were Mom”….. So there’s that.
Also? I’m kind of a bitch. And being kind of a bitch is one of those things that translates pretty well on paper, like it’s aaalmost charming. But being in the same room with someone who is kind of a bitch can go either way – It’s a love it or hate it personality type.
So while part of me is stoked to go and meet someone new, and hopefully begin to kindle a new friendship, the other part of me is 100% sure that I’ll walk in the door, and she’ll size me up and say something like “Oh, look at you!….Propagating a lie on the internet.”
So I just want to throw a few things out there, right now:
I have wonky teeth.
I pick at my thumbs.
Sometimes I talk with food in my mouth. And sometimes I yell at my kids for talking with food in their mouths while I have food in my mouth.
I make funny faces when I talk. Also, when I don’t talk.
I’m not that funny in real life.
I talk too much.
There it is. The icky real me.
I think what I’m trying to say is, “I’m on my way over, prepare to be disappointed.” Glad we got that out of the way.
It’s funny, because there are some days that I feel so confident in who I am, and to Whom I belong. There are some moments in which I seem to understand my value apart from what humanity thinks of me. And then there are days like today, when I am so completely convinced that I will never be…. good enough.
The clear difference between those days depends on who I’m asking for the answer.
1 Samuel 16:1-13
“…. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
I hope, whether you know me only through these pages or if we ever get the opportunity to meet in real life, that you’ll see my heart. But if you can’t? Well, then I dunno…. I guess that’s your problem.
Have you ever taken an online relationship “live”? More importantly – Was it awkward?