Divorce, Death, and Resurrection

I’m getting divorced.

So, there it is. Now you know.

It has taken me awhile to figure out how to share this very personal news with you. In fact, I’ve already been separated for nearly a year, and I’ve debated not saying anything at all, just letting the fact that I was married for decades slip quietly into the annals of internet history. That way the weirdos who like to stalk their new favorite author (lol jk) could still spend an afternoon procrastinating all the bits and pieces together until they had a rough timeline. As is, the story the internet tells is that I got married when I was a teenager and appeared to stay pretty happily married until some undefined moment in my early 40’s when instances of the man who was my husband appear fewer and farther between until they trail off completely. The end.

But we all know the internet never really tells the whole truth, don’t we? This blog, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram – these are, more or less, art installations filled with carefully curated pieces of my life and faith and family, hand selected to tell only the parts of the story that are suitable for public consumption. That said, honesty and vulnerability have always been high values around here, so I have struggled a great deal to figure out when to tell you about my impending divorce and exactly how much to share. This is, in part, why I’ve been so quiet for so long.

In this process, four things have helped me figure out the way forward…

First, early on, a smart friend reminded me that there’s a world of difference between secrecy and privacy. Secrecy is driven by shame and self-preservation, while privacy is created by healthy boundaries and self-care. My divorce is not a secret and I am not ashamed, but it is private. Over the past year, I have been open with my real-life community, awkwardly disclosing my separation to aquaintances I’ve run into at the grocery store and the gym and, well, just about everywhere else. At the same time, I’ve chosen to maintain the privacy required for the two of us to find our feet, to discern our separate paths, and to begin to forge a future apart.

Second, in Anne Lammot’s book, Bird by Bird: Instructions on Writing and Life, she tells us, “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” As the author of a newly released memoir, I’ve been trying to figure out how to lay down the sad but long-overdue end of my marriage in words that are truthful, but also kind. The older I get, the more I’ve come to understand that there are no real villains, only broken people with deep wounds who cannot help but to bleed onto others. Anne is right, of course, I do own my story. But, for me, the most freeing part of this is knowing that because I own it, I can choose to tell it or not. Should I eventually share about this part of my life, I hope to do so with all of the grace and compassion I’ve learned from following Jesus, but to tell this story now would be to scribble it out in the blood of my own wounds. …And I think we can all agree, writing in blood is just gross. Nobody needs to see that.

Third is this. Today you’ll be left wondering precisely WHY I’m getting divorced after nearly 25 years of marriage…because I’m not going tell you. In addition to being too personal and painful to share in a public arena at this time, the details are, quite frankly, none of your damn business. But I am gonna go ahead and say this next thing, because I know that (despite all of my eye-rolling and protestations) some of you  consider me a role model or a leader or whatever. So here it is:

You would be proud of me.

The truth is, my marriage has been over for a long, long time, and you would approve of the energy and effort I put into saving a dead thing. If you knew how hard I worked to make a still heart beat again, if you knew how fervently I prayed, if you knew how often I begged God for a miracle, a resurrection, you would know that it was well beyond time to call the end. I still believe wholeheartedly in the covenant of marriage and I will always be heartbroken that the promise I stepped into as a naïve teenager went unfulfilled. Know that if there had been a way to bring my marriage back to life, I surely would have found it.

And that brings me to the fourth thing, the thing that has given me much Hope in the face of fear and despair over this past year. See, in Christ I learned that you can’t have a resurrection without first a death, and for so long I believed that it was my marriage that needed bringing back. There was a very long time in which I would have given anything to make it better, paid any price, forgiven any debt, made any sacrifice. And while I’ve never really been the kind of Christian who hears the audible voice of the Holy Spirit, there came a day when I cried out to God, “Please, please, please fix it!”, and God cried back…

“But it’s you, Baby Girl. It’s you who died. And it’s you I will raise back to life.”

In the end, I had to bury something dead that I might become something alive.

And so, I did.

Because that’s how resurrection works.



  1. Kirk on July 31, 2018 at 3:08 pm

    Oh Gawd. I noticed the absence but didn’t want to pry.

    After 32 years, I left too. I hear and feel what you are saying.

    Blessings to you both. I’m so sorry.

    • Monica on July 31, 2018 at 8:26 pm

      Blessings dear one, as a pastor and woman who is relentless…I get it. Holding you.

      • Rachael on November 18, 2019 at 11:18 am

        Probably one of the discouraging things I’ve ever read. We have to die to ourselves. Not kill our marriage union. Sounds like you were in much pain. I know how hard it is to press on with any sliver of hope and to have a broken heart. But I disagree with using the gospel to justify divorce.

        • Jennifer on January 12, 2022 at 3:10 am

          God may hate divorce,, but He hates abuse more. You cannot judge a situation you have not encountered yourself. And I pray you never have to. Mindsets like the comment you made is why Christian women, like myself, who are being abused by their spouses, live in shame and cognitive dissonance. Because our heart tells us what is happening to us is wrong, but our mind is filled with words telling us that God is not okay with us leaving this dangerous situation , because that is what the church ignorantly tells us over and over. Giving more power to our abuser, causing us to lose hope. A pastor at my church told me in counseling session that if I would be more submissive to my husband, I wouldn’t be abused. The Holy Spirit told me something different. And clinging to God and His word is what literally saved me. He was there with me while I was being abused. And He is the one who gave me freedom when my husband left. In fact, I would whole heartedly say that is was God who removed him.

        • Debi on March 27, 2022 at 6:00 pm

          You have given me the words to articulate a chillingly similar story. Bless you!
          Thank you for your candor.

    • Otto on August 2, 2018 at 5:01 am

      who’s Gawd?

    • Elli on August 2, 2018 at 11:21 am

      This is exactly where I am right now…thank you.

    • John on February 26, 2019 at 9:18 am

      So very well spoken. Every word. Each step down your path. I had read your blog for a long time but drifted off. My daughter updated me a few days ago. Count me in. By your side in faith and seeking the Father in everything.

    • Zechariah on May 9, 2019 at 7:35 pm

      Why leave though? That’s a long time. Sorry to sound rude, but it seems like people divorce nowadays just to give up. If both put work into it, any marriage can be fixed.

      • Kate on July 17, 2019 at 3:33 am

        The key phrase there is “of both people work at it”. Jamie very well could have been fighting for her marriage completely alone – which from personal experience is one of the hardest, loneliest battles a person can fight. We don’t know, nor do we have a right to know, the details.

      • Tee on August 5, 2019 at 8:57 am

        It sounds rude because it IS rude.

      • Pam the Goatherd on September 19, 2019 at 10:30 am

        Zechariah, you’ve got the key right there – “If BOTH put work into it…” But sometimes the other spouse involved doesn’t want to put the work into it. When the spouse that is doing all the work finally realizes that the other has absolutely no desire to work to make the marriage work, but instead is working at destroying the marriage, then it is time to call it quits and, as Jamie says, let the marriage die so that resurrection can occur.

      • Janice Cartwright on September 28, 2019 at 10:59 am

        It still takes two to tango. While I believe wholeheartedly in the sanctity of marriage and that the family needs to be intact, if at all possible there are times when divorce is unavoidable and really out of a person’s power to save. As onlookers it may do us good to walk in someone else’s bare feet as a friend of mine once so aptly phrased it. Jamie expressed her desire for privacy on the issue, may we afford her that along with a whole bunch of grace.

      • Anna on December 18, 2019 at 2:23 am

        Fuck you.

      • Becky on January 19, 2020 at 12:52 pm

        Sadly Zechariah, what you said is a disillusionment that is easier to hold onto rather than dealing with the reality. Not all people were meant to be together in the beginning and some mountains are too big to climb. To assume that these two people just “gave up” tells me you were listening and that this has been a long, painful journey for Jamie. Offering compassion would be better served then criticism.

      • Jolene on June 1, 2020 at 12:50 pm


      • Gisela Ella on June 1, 2020 at 1:53 pm

        If BOTH put the work in. But in many marriages one tries and tries while the other thinks there’s really nothing wrong OR that they’re not contributing to the problems nor do they think they need to do any changing. I lived it for 26 years. Seasonal promises of change and promises to go to counseling (which gave me hope) alternating with seasons of darkness and succumbing to old bad and hurtful habits (which were crushing. Living with Jekyll for winter then Hyde for spring; Jekyll again for summer then Hyde returned in autumn. 25 FREAKING YEARS before I finally saw that the deceptions to me re the addictions (yes plural) would never change, he just got more clever in hiding the evidence. 25 years of attempting marriage counseling multiple times, 25 years of promises on his part of GETTING his own counseling (more lies) . Just writing this out makes me realize just how foolish I was to listen to “but he’s such a nice/charming guy” or “it’s not like he’s beating you” or the classic “it could be worse” argument.

      • Simone on June 27, 2020 at 12:06 am

        You are clueless, to leave an answer like that. Nobody walks away from a marriage lightly. Nobody. It is heart breaking, devastating, painful and traumatic in so many ways. But sometimes when all else had been tried, the only option left is to walk away. I truly hope you never have to discover that place in your own life, because it is brutal. Please don’t comment on what you clearly don’t understand. Words of judgement are cheap and easy to thow out, but a wise person speaks with compassion. Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes before you throw out a judgey comment, bro.

  2. Brian on July 31, 2018 at 3:15 pm

    Grace and peace to you.

  3. Barbara on July 31, 2018 at 3:18 pm

    I am beyond speechless. I think that may be the most beautifully written thing I have ever read in my entire life. I am being dead add serious. Breathtaking . Praying for you both.

  4. Kate on July 31, 2018 at 3:18 pm

    Everything following your initial statement was not shocking to those who have been reading you for a long time. Of course you worked hard. Of course it was a long process. Of course it’s none of our business.

    Of course, we are proud of you. As is Jesus.

    • Johan on August 1, 2018 at 9:29 am

      Kate, well said.

    • Terry on August 1, 2018 at 4:44 pm

      Yes, and amen. Rise…

    • Claire on August 1, 2018 at 8:25 pm

      Well said.

  5. Hansi on July 31, 2018 at 3:19 pm

    So good. Thank you for your honesty and transparency. I too write about very personal things and sometimes choose to keep things private. We are lead pastors and not everything is for public consumption. Hahaha. I love your writings and pray for great things ahead.

  6. Swick on July 31, 2018 at 3:20 pm

    Thanks for your bravery in sharing this. Sorry for the pain and hurt you’re going through. And you know what? I AM proud of you.

  7. SV on July 31, 2018 at 3:20 pm

    That was brave. My brother is toning through a divorce in a family that “doesn’t do that” and it has been hard, especially since he too hauled ass to save it to no avail. Thank you for speaking when you certainly didn’t have to.

    • Zechariah on May 9, 2019 at 7:36 pm

      It can be saved, but both have to want to. Some families don’t divorce, because they do what is needed to be done.

      • Tee on August 5, 2019 at 8:58 am

        Again with the rude.

      • Leah Wilson on May 8, 2020 at 9:41 am

        Murder. Do you mean murder? Because that is DEFINITELY one way to avoid divorce.

      • Gisela Ella on June 1, 2020 at 1:59 pm

        Zechariah, apparently you can’t seem to read between the lines of what she wrote. SHE did everything she could. Obviously BOTH did not. Your comment seems like you’re trying to shame her.

        I can tell you with 110% certainty that after 2 decades of marriage it is highly unlikely it was a rash decision and nobody tried to work things out. That’s more likely to happen in divorces that happen in the first 5-10 years.

  8. Ashley on July 31, 2018 at 3:27 pm

    Sending love to you today. Thank you for taking the time to really think things through so that we can learn to do the same and thank you for sharing so that we can rally around you in prayer.

  9. Melissa Hale (Reyes) on July 31, 2018 at 3:29 pm

    Thank you for sharing your life and being so vunerable. You’re right its none of our business. Just want you to know you are loved and i am excited to see how your Journey continues. Miss you! Melissa (not so hot of a missionary either!)

  10. Lauri Sears on July 31, 2018 at 3:29 pm

    Love, love , LOVE your transparency! YOU GOT THIS!

  11. Chelsea Owens on July 31, 2018 at 3:33 pm

    I hope you read my comment, though I don’t expect a response.
    I read your book just barely, and feel we are similar in many ways: young marriage, questionable ways to cope with things, and a totally open attitude about pointing to the elephant in the room.
    I therefore feel your pain regarding the divorce, and am sorry the last decade has wound down to a less-than-storybook ending. It is what it is, though, and I know you’ll find a way to put on that leather jacket and move forward.

  12. Chuck on July 31, 2018 at 3:34 pm

    I remain convinced that life only comes from the death of what needs to die. Grieve well, sister.

  13. Jenny on July 31, 2018 at 3:36 pm

    Digital hugs.

  14. Elizabeth on July 31, 2018 at 3:42 pm

    Jaime, I am so sorry for your heartbreak, and any remaining guilt you might feel for feeling ‘relieved’.(However that manifests for you.)

  15. Sherry on July 31, 2018 at 3:49 pm

    I have a very similar story. I am 15 years on this side of the resurrection. It is a beautiful thing.

    Here’s to an even more amazing, resurrected you.

  16. Valerie Damron on July 31, 2018 at 3:49 pm

    Precious!! I’m a new follower of you !! But I find your story sweet and I love people who healthily take care of their souls !! Cheers to new beginnings 🥂🍾

  17. Sarah on July 31, 2018 at 3:50 pm

    Grace and peace to you Jamie. Rise and keep on rising.

  18. Lil on July 31, 2018 at 3:50 pm

    That sucks. You are a cool chick to follow, real, to the point, and sarcastically funny which makes it even more real. You’re awesome!

  19. Lina on July 31, 2018 at 3:54 pm

    25 years is a lifetime. But it’s not an entire life.
    I’m a woman who has walked a similar path, and I stand on this side applauding your strength and courage, and your willingness to allow an ending.

  20. Anne on July 31, 2018 at 3:55 pm

    Thought this was a joke but I guess you’re not being snarky this time. Like “I’m getting a divorce…from false, man made ideas about Christ and the church.” But, um, no. My bad.

    • C on November 12, 2019 at 3:53 pm

      What a bitchy comment!

  21. Margaret on July 31, 2018 at 4:00 pm

    I AM proud of you. I am a divorcee and I know the feelings the surround marriage in the church and I also know the courage it takes to walk away from something unhealthy.

    I am so proud of you for trying as hard as you did. I imagine that in your trying, you also gave more of yourself than was healthy. Now, I pray for your healing to your heart and soul to be a whole person again.


  22. Reiko on July 31, 2018 at 4:01 pm

    Jamie, my dear, I love you. I am proud of you.

  23. Lana on July 31, 2018 at 4:02 pm

    Love this. Thank you for your guarded honesty. I appreciate your realness.

  24. Angela Roe on July 31, 2018 at 4:03 pm

    Peace and love, as you create your new life.

  25. Lisa Marie Wong on July 31, 2018 at 4:08 pm

    That was beautiful, sad, and not at all surprising. There have been other Christian bloggers who announced their separations, and expected shock and pearl clutching. But we readers see the husbands disappear from your pictures and stories. I pretend not to notice until you announce it, to respect your privacy and not seem stalkerish. But many of us have been through divorce and aren’t interested in judging anyone. And for the ones who want to judge, well, I know you enough curse words to put them in their place. Or maybe we’ll just pray for them. God bless you.

  26. Tana on July 31, 2018 at 4:13 pm

    Sending all the love!! Sage advice… secrecy and privacy. That is balm. Cheers to practice and process 💙

  27. Melena on July 31, 2018 at 4:18 pm

    I am so proud of you! You are brave And kind and loving. Thank you for being this vulnerable. Your words are exactly right and as someone who has walked through some very hard seasons in my marriage, I resonate with what you said so well it brings me to tears. You have a beautiful soul! ❤️

  28. Mary on July 31, 2018 at 4:18 pm

    Love you still.
    – a stranger

  29. Ronnie Missioni on July 31, 2018 at 4:25 pm

    What a heart-wrenching, hope-giving, brave blog. I lift my Guinness in salute to you and your strength and I say a prayer for your continued healing and resurrection

  30. Noel Stalker on July 31, 2018 at 4:29 pm

    Thank you so much for how you shared this. I have been through a divorce and I have struggled with how I might some day explain it to my daughter. Your section about how we would be proud of you for how hard you tried is inspiring to me and I think I might have heard read this when the time is right to help explain the situation.

  31. Jenna on July 31, 2018 at 4:35 pm

    I’m sorry and I am proud of you

  32. Christine Ivy on July 31, 2018 at 4:37 pm

    Much, much love to you. May you know the peace of Christ in the midst of it. <3

  33. Wendy on July 31, 2018 at 4:37 pm

    I’m sorry for what you have been through.

    And yep, none of anybody’s business, and you owe no explanation to anyone.

    Just know you have a lot of folks out here who love ya. Warts and all, no matter what.

    Your rising will be something to behold.

    Day at a time Chicka.

    Tons of love your way,

  34. Sandy Homuth on July 31, 2018 at 4:38 pm

    Thank you soooo much for your honesty. I too have gone through much and I can’t survive without my honesty & yours. You are a breath of real life, thank you for being courageous to speak your truth. God is real & I see Him in you. This is church.

  35. Cindy Van Liere on July 31, 2018 at 4:39 pm

    I know your pain. And even though you’ve not said, I KNOW. Even though we’ve not met, I know.

    God is with you and so are we.

    Thank you for your example of strength and grace.

  36. Sarah Bessey on July 31, 2018 at 4:39 pm

    From a front row seat to your life: we are proud of you. And I love you so. Eshet chayil, Jamie – woman of valour!

    • Jennycolas on July 31, 2018 at 10:58 pm

      I was a missionary. Everything around me came undone, thread by thread. 3 grown kids we raised in Paris. Tried desperately to stay connected to Jesus…. while feeling mainly unloveable. Divorced an remarried. You are amazing. I never knew another version of me existed. Except you’re way more lucid and funny. 🙏.

  37. Aimie Raven LeRuez on July 31, 2018 at 4:41 pm

    This is one of this blog posts that will bounce around in my head for days. Different parts will rise to the surface, and I will gnaw on them like a dog working on a bone to get to the marrow. Discovering your writing has given me the courage to be who God made me…

  38. Michelle on July 31, 2018 at 4:43 pm

    Bless and bless and bless and bless.

  39. Andrea Beagle on July 31, 2018 at 4:45 pm

    Thank you. Spoke to my newly divorced heart and put some amazing words to my own sacrifice and death. I too prayed and faster and worked for years only to have to let it go. I literally love the part where you died. And then the resurrection! God is faithful and will do it. Can’t wait for mine and yours. The Holy Spirit is alive in me , so grateful! You are very much a voice my kids and I recognize as our own. We love Jesus and we are a lot like you. 😉

  40. Lisa Sawchak on July 31, 2018 at 4:45 pm

    I’m sending my love and prayers to you. May God breathe back the life into your body and soul day by day.

  41. Leashia on July 31, 2018 at 4:45 pm

    I know your pain well. I pray for your peace.

  42. Courtney on July 31, 2018 at 4:50 pm

    Today is my divorce anniversary. Lots of ups and downs. Lots of emotions. I wish you peace and happiness.

  43. Hopeful H. on July 31, 2018 at 4:52 pm

    Thank you.
    I’m in the thick of a similar marriage.
    Been that way for a good 12 years…
    And I am proud of you, because I know how hard it is to keep hoping, and contending, and searching for a sign of life in that relationship… Damn girl… it’s exhausting. And you learn a lot, about yourself, about your savior…
    I’m not through with my journey yet… I am still hoping against darkness, and watering this broken relationship with my prayers and tears. But our God is good- even if the marriage dies… God is good and there is the hope of life for me again.

    Thank you. While I am so sorry your fight ended in a hard way… your honesty encourages me that I’m not alone… and there is hope…

  44. dianthe on July 31, 2018 at 4:52 pm

    Dr. Phil (I know, but stick with me) says you have to “earn” your way out of a marriage. It sounds like you’ve done that and then some. Still think you’re amazing, as does Jesus.

  45. Janice on July 31, 2018 at 4:53 pm

    Peace to you and your boys and your husband. Hearing of anyone’s divorce makes me incredibly sad…like a death. But staying in a place that isn’t authentic is even sadder. I admire your courage.

  46. Julia on July 31, 2018 at 4:54 pm

    There must have been so much heartache before you wrote these words. Praying for grace and healing for you and all of your family. Thank you for sharing this part of your journey with those of us who have followed your story. I am so appreciative of your willingness to be real. Love not judgement from me.

  47. Kate on July 31, 2018 at 4:56 pm

    Thank you for these words. I divorced last year after 23 years. Everything you have said and the privacy you’ve chosen resonates with me. It has been very hard for church/Christian people I know to not have the “reasons” in their pockets so that they could decide my state of sin or grace. But I know the unconditional love of God & that’s enough — for me, for them, for you. Peace.

  48. Gretchen on July 31, 2018 at 4:59 pm

    I am so sorry for your loss. Grace and peace.

  49. Sue S. on July 31, 2018 at 5:04 pm


  50. Donnette on July 31, 2018 at 5:06 pm

    I understand. Burying my marriage after nearly 25 years of heavy struggle allowed my heart to finally be at peace, providing restoration for my scorched soul. Divorce is such a challenging, private, and life altering decision. Divorce is not a decision to be taken lightly and it seems as if you have earned your way out. May your rebirth replace your hurts with love, warmth, and joy. 💗

  51. Laura on July 31, 2018 at 5:08 pm

    Jamie, be brave. I once took a lot of criticism for saying my separation and divorce were ‘a God thing’. What??? God doesn’t believe in divorce!! All I knew was it was badly broken. He was badly broken. And it nearly broke me. I wouldn’t have left, out of commitment, guilt, whatever… He left. And in that very very terrible time (it is when I first read the bible cover to cover), while I paced floors, and cried, and protected children, that I healed, that I grew so strong. And I know God was in it. He was in it all. So you do what needs to be done. God will be with you, both.

  52. Courtney Miller on July 31, 2018 at 5:09 pm

    It’s just another comment but,

    Amen. (In the holy and non holy way)

    I am 26 and divorced and I thought my marriage would kill me but instead, it died. I begged God to redeem it and he led it to death instead. It wasn’t what I wanted, but I guess it’s what I asked for. If I hadn’t had hope for redemption I wouldn’t have survived at all. Jesus is surely fucking everything up. For good.

    You are strong and you are even more a role model than before, at least for this little heart.


  53. Carol on July 31, 2018 at 5:23 pm

    Also divorced after 20+ years, you may find your story of why will change with time or not even matter. Congrats on rebirth, sorry for sadness but how exciting, you have so much ahead to learn, explore, enjoy….

  54. Shelly VanB on July 31, 2018 at 5:25 pm

    I’m sorry for your pain. I know it too well.
    I already recognize the signs of your rising, brave one.
    It’s not your whole story… it’s just one chapter. ( or 3 or 4…) you got this.

  55. Jen Em on July 31, 2018 at 5:38 pm

    Let the rising be a beautiful and wonderous journey! But still throw in a few cuss word moments to keep it interesting and flawed and alive!

  56. Melissa Hale on July 31, 2018 at 5:44 pm

    I’m so sorry. Your people grieve with you.
    You are so valuable and worthy and loved by Jesus people whom you have met and may never meet this side of heaven.
    Keep writing and keep telling the parts of your story you want to share. It is life-giving.

  57. Russ Clark on July 31, 2018 at 5:53 pm

    Prayers from Ohio.

  58. Kara on July 31, 2018 at 6:19 pm

    I doubt you read these replies, but I have to tell you, Jamie, that you’re not alone. I, too, am on the edge of an amazing horizon after 20 years of a difficult marriage. (Anniversary 8/8/98) I first spoke the words aloud in May, telling my husband I was just done. I, too, have fought for our marriage, for the hearts of my three children to remain strong in the toxic environment within our home. I’ve prayed for healing, for change, for just about anything that could save our family but I’ve found that the phrase ‘you reap what you sow,’ to be quite accurate. And friend, the reaping has begun. The details are unimportant and wholly mine to divulge if I so choose, as to the events that lead to what probably appears to be such an ‘abrupt’ life change. But I know, as do you, that we’ll all be ok.
    You and I and thousands others this day are stronger than we can imagine. I just keep telling myself, with the Lord by my side, I can do hard things. Really hard things.
    I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone in this valley. I think sometimes God lets us visit the valley so we can see how big the mountains are.
    Thank you for your post!

  59. Kristen Willard on July 31, 2018 at 6:20 pm

    In the end, it doesn’t matter whether we, your readers, approve. What matters is that you are now — as you have always been — Beloved.

    In the end, it won’t matter what you chose to share on social media, because the One who knows your heart, and who has always known your heart, forgave you long before.

    And in the end, whatever brought you to this decision, whatever you give to God will be redeemed for his (their?) good purposes. Even this.

  60. Renee Johnson on July 31, 2018 at 6:25 pm

    Sorry you have walked through such a hard time and I am.praying for you both. We will.watch you rise dear Jamie.

  61. Brian copps on July 31, 2018 at 6:25 pm

    Amen about privacy vs. secrecy. As my Pastor Greg Boyd has taught me, God has more than a Plan A for our lives and will meet us where we are at…there is a Plan B (well wait that’s birth control)…a Plan C for all of us. May you discover your Plan C as I have following my divorce🙌😊🙏

  62. Kimberly Robinson on July 31, 2018 at 6:33 pm

    There are endings and beginnings. Some things break and are rebuilt. Other things burn and new things are built in their place. Faith is for the broken, the mended, the burned down and rebuilt. Love you.

  63. Derek on July 31, 2018 at 6:36 pm

    Sorry to hear about this (no judgment implied). I think that oftentimes when people hear news such as this, they get nervous, judge-y, and negative because it makes them question the solidity of their marriage. “If such-and-so’s marriage failed, then what’s to say mine won’t?”

    But, the state of other people’s marriage is not on you. We have to own our own marriages/lives/spiritual journeys.

    Again, sorry to hear about this — the years of struggle, the familial implications, and even the struggle you’ve obviously gone through over how to break this news to your fans, etc.

    Thanks for your candor; and I will continue to look forward to your thoughts and insights.

  64. Alex Cook on July 31, 2018 at 6:52 pm

    Thank you for your honesty and genuineness. I really liked that you pointed out the difference between secrecy and privacy. I am glad you are setting up healthy boundries, divorce is never easy and you deserve that privacy.
    Praying for peace.

  65. Miranda on July 31, 2018 at 6:52 pm

    Much love and many prayers to you.

  66. Dena H on July 31, 2018 at 6:52 pm

    Prayers for you and your family as you navigate your new life. May you find blessings around each new bend of the road.

  67. Mary Lou on July 31, 2018 at 7:16 pm

    Grace and peace, sister!

  68. Nan on July 31, 2018 at 7:22 pm

    Ahhh, how I wish I were in the wisdom of my forties when the crumbling had happened, so that my blood-writing wouldn’t be spattered all over… I mean, it’s not totally awful, but I felt scorned and skewered and didn’t want to own a mess I didn’t make. Over a year out and I’m still in denial that something I worked so hard to fix couldn’t be saved. I clung to the hope that “redemption stories are God’s favorite”, but it turns out he’s been saving me all along.

    Love and peace to one of my favorites from a long time lurker.

  69. Kristen Zoetewey on July 31, 2018 at 7:44 pm

    Jamie, I’m so sorry that this happened for you. I appreciate your courage and honesty. Know you are loved.

  70. Stacey on July 31, 2018 at 8:12 pm

    Beautiful. I’m walking the same path. You put my heart in words. I heard “Move” when I called out to the Holy Spirit, after months and years of pain. God definitely works through these hard times and I never understood how weakness turns to warrior strength. Strength in Him!

  71. Andrea Holme on July 31, 2018 at 8:18 pm

    6 years ago, this was my story as well. God is faithful to build us back as His children. I prayed the same prayers and cried when I thought He didn’t answer, then heard almost the exact same words back, in my soul. May you continue to walk in peace and assurance in Him.

  72. Nicole Harsha on July 31, 2018 at 8:28 pm

    Divorce sucks and I’m sorry to hear it’s been tough for so many years. It’s hard to spread Gods love if you are so unhappy. You did it for a long time, but our Father wants us to enjoy life and be happy. You are so awesome and I love your raw words and thoughts. Wonder Woman

  73. Robyn on July 31, 2018 at 8:28 pm

    So sorry to hear this. Your words on marriage have been very inspiring to me and very helpful to my husband & I, and I have no doubt the amount of effort that went in to try salvage your own. Never easy to walk away from something, but excited & hopeful for you to walk into this next season of resurrection. Much love from this stranger to you!

  74. Dawn Steffes on July 31, 2018 at 8:53 pm

    I know this is hard. Thanks for being honest. It is hard-sometimes life sucks, but sometimes it helps to say life sucks and move on. Like your gentle grace and hope things are able to be amicably worked out in the family issue that always seem to arise when you have kids together. Blessings as you work through this and keep on plugging, working and moving forward. Blessing and thanks for being a lousy missionary, I am too. The sisterhood of fallen saints.

  75. Kerry Gillette on July 31, 2018 at 9:29 pm

    You are seen, you are heard, you are loved. Lots of prayers for you and your family.

  76. Frank Trotter on July 31, 2018 at 9:29 pm

    I just think you are the living definition of courage…and a lot of other things I won’t mention at this time (all good btw) but reading your blog on a regular basis has helped me become a better person. I am much more transparent in my relationships and much more honest with myself about myself. So thank you for sharing this. I am sure there are a lot of people who know you personally who will be lifting you up in prayer and continuing to join hands with you in friendship, but I would bet there are at least hundreds of folks you don’t know who will find this strangely encouraging as they walk through a similar minefield in their lives, me being just one of that number.

  77. Mary on July 31, 2018 at 9:33 pm

    Sometimes it’s so difficult to be this honest. You have strength. Period. Thank you for sharing.

  78. Kelly on July 31, 2018 at 10:19 pm

    I’m so proud of you, Jamie. Thank you for sharing this today and for continuing to pave a path for us to be honest about the most difficult things. I’m on this journey as well, and it’s beyond difficult. You’ve found words I’ve yet to find, but they resonate so deeply with my own soul. So much love to you.

  79. Jessica Land on July 31, 2018 at 10:19 pm

    Sending love to you, Jamie. I divorced my husband when I was 42 (I’m 47 now) after 18 years of marriage. My church ‘family’ was very judgmental and quoted me the story of the prodigal son.
    I never went back to church but I love Jesus.
    I pray you will be supported and surrounded with love and grace. Thank you for being real! ❤️

  80. Phil Madeira on July 31, 2018 at 10:23 pm

    14 years ago, i divorced the woman I was married to for 25 years. Thankfully, we have somehow managed to have a very friendly relationship in spite of the very painful realization that it wasn’t working. I wrote a memoir which talked about it in minor detail. I know what it means to pray for that miracle, and I know the feeling of thinking God will walk out on you when you do this sort of thing. Funny enough, I had the recurring thought “Whatever you do, don’t read Hosea” until a few odd circumstances led me to realize I was being called to read it. What I discovered was a concept that a lifetime of being a church going person had never revealed- God got a divorce. He tried and tried, and maybe prayed to himself for a miracle, but in the end, his unrequited love for Israel led to him divorcing Israel. My friend Mark Lowry told me that God hates divorce because he’s been through it. I wish the church spoke that sort of language rather than try and scare people into sticking with a no win situation. Thanks for writing.
    Phil Madeira

    • Unsure on August 1, 2018 at 10:36 am

      Let’s assume God divorced Israel, did he come back to it, or marry a new people? Your analogy breaks down because you only use the first part of the story to come to grips with your decisions. It seems to me that you’re using Hosea to justify your divorce, and if God did it, that you can too…? Seems strange.

      • Lisa on August 1, 2018 at 10:28 pm

        It’s not an analogy, it’s an explanation. It’s an explanation of why God hates divorce and what he hates about it. Understanding the explanation makes “justification” unnecessary and irrelevant.

  81. Helen on July 31, 2018 at 11:17 pm

    A friend just sent me this as she felt it was similar to what I tried to express to her in an email a few months back…but you have really found the language here to express what I have wanted and needed to say to many people in the last six months. Thank you. The short poem ‘The Journey’ by Mary Oliver has helped me in a similar way, and your writing taps into that. Thank you for being you, and for your honesty and courage x

  82. Kay Marks on August 1, 2018 at 12:22 am

    Jamie. I’ve read your book and thought …. finally someone I can relate to. Not in a journeying sense but someone who is honest about life. Thank you for being vulnerable about this next part of your life. It will be difficult but you are a very brave woman and I am proud of you. Thank you for sharing. Big love.

  83. Lauren Miller on August 1, 2018 at 12:42 am

    This. So much this. Often we forget God is about the one and sometimes the path looks different from what we would expect. I have not known of your writings until now but I look forward to seeing where you rise to.

  84. Sher on August 1, 2018 at 1:42 am

    After 32 years of marriage and now 2 years on my own, I have thought this very thing. I have been very private about my divorce. There are some who still don’t know or may be questioning. My private needs have let me heal in some ways but my children who are grown have not understood the “private part” of it. I hope in spite of my and there dad’s shortcomings they will be able to forgive and grasp what life we have left. I hope one day I can be as brave as you and post these very statements. It’s loke you wrote the words that I have written in journals and thought and wanted to say to people at some point everyday the last two years. Thank you for your brave sharing. Pray I can do the same.

  85. Melody on August 1, 2018 at 2:11 am

    I know that was hard, Brave One. Now, let the healing begin…pain is never wasted…you will work wonders with yours. Much love to you, ❤️❤️❤️

  86. Melody F on August 1, 2018 at 2:15 am

    I know that was hard, Brave One. Now, let the healing begin…pain is never wasted…you will work wonders with yours. Much love to you, ❤️❤️❤️

  87. Kevin on August 1, 2018 at 3:43 am

    You may be wounded, broken, bleeding and, yes, may’ve discovered that a part ( if not all) of you has died in all this. But I know two things: you’re still a better person than me (I know this even though I haven’t followed your blog and coincidentally only bought your book just yesterday), and: There is not only resurrection; there is also restoration. I’m praying for you to experience both in full measure. Peace and love.

  88. mike helbert on August 1, 2018 at 3:51 am

    Thank you for sharing, Jamie.
    I’m sure that you will move forward in grace.

  89. Sarah on August 1, 2018 at 4:33 am

    I am so very proud of you. And I’m so sorry you’re going through this. After 18 years of marriage, I’m in the same boat with the first year of divorce behind me. Keep yourself warm and live in the gratitude that you are healing.
    And congratulations! (<— That’s my favorite response I get when someone new learns the news)

  90. Melody Reid on August 1, 2018 at 5:42 am

    Jaime I just finished reading your book. You are a beautiful writer and this piece about your divorce is beautiful too. May God continue to bless you as you seek to serve Him. XXOO

  91. Bob on August 1, 2018 at 6:18 am

    Christ’s Peace be yours.

  92. Tanya Marlow on August 1, 2018 at 6:38 am

    I love your writing, and I just wanted to say that this piece is really excellent – and helpful, especially about privacy vs secrecy. I saw Bronwyn Lea’s tweet about a divorce not being a killing of the marriage but a death certificate, and I thought that was a really helpful image.

    Anne Lamont has written a beautiful essay (in This is the Story of a Happy Marriage – which is essays about her marriage with writing). It’s called the sacrament of divorce, and it’s the thing I would want to gift to people in your situation as an empathy thing.

    Anyway. It is none of my business, but all the same I wanted to say I was moved by your writing and praying for you all as you process the grief of what could have been. Much love.

  93. Shireen on August 1, 2018 at 6:38 am

    Ummm, yes. If i was a writer i could have written this. Was a missionary with my husband and children for 8 years. Tried so hard to make it work. Always held on to hope. Until hope was dashed from my hands when he announced he was a she.
    There was no blueprint for moving forward from that. Like a death, but the person isn’t actually gone. But healing comes. Two and a half years later I’m remarried to a man who is not perfect but who endeavors to love me, serve God, even if inadequately, and above all, owns his shit honestly. If i could, i would hold your hand and cry with you. You will make it. But you know that already.

  94. Bethany on August 1, 2018 at 7:10 am

    The only difference between what you’ve written and what I would write at this very moment is the length of my marriage. I am a firm believer in openness because I’ve seen the damage that keeping things in the dark does; but my soon-to-be ex-husband is fiercely private and I have respected that by not disclosing anything at all on social media or on my website. I have been struggling to find how to eventually broach the subject. Thank you for the example. I am so sorry that you’re going through this too and so grateful that God is providing for us.

  95. Ginny L on August 1, 2018 at 7:28 am

    But…who gets knives?…

    I have walked where you walk. I will pray diligently for you daily. Much love.

    • Jamie Wright on August 1, 2018 at 12:26 pm

      I get Knives. 🙂

      • Beth on August 1, 2018 at 7:30 pm


  96. Katie on August 1, 2018 at 7:43 am

    Beautifully written. And inspiring. Thank you.

  97. Mags on August 1, 2018 at 7:53 am


  98. Phillip Winn on August 1, 2018 at 8:01 am

    During my own divorce, I struggled to explain to my children what the future could hold. All I could say at the time was that “Jesus brings dead things to life.” For some time, I thought that would be the marriage. Eventually I realized it was me. My hopes, my dreams, the way I saw myself as a husband and father, the way I saw myself as a Christian, all of that died, and then Jesus brought me back to life.

    I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anyone describe their own divorce in terms so similar to my own experience. You have expressed ugliness beautifully. Thank you.

  99. Sheri Faye on August 1, 2018 at 8:10 am

    You are amazing.

  100. Kristi on August 1, 2018 at 8:44 am

    I read this blog and felt like I was reading my own words! I cried, I smiled and I even said “Amen” out loud a few times! I am separated from my husband of 26 years, and we are on the sad, difficult road to divorce. So much of what you shared, mirrors my story – and I truly thank you for sharing yours in such a honest way. Reading it was a blessing to me! Here’s to being strong, to the Rising, to new happiness and to always trusting that God has a beautiful plan for us!

  101. Brooke Hanson on August 1, 2018 at 8:51 am

    And so you fly.

  102. Nate on August 1, 2018 at 9:05 am

    This is one of the most beautiful pieces of writing that I have read in a long time. There is so much truth and freedom that are woven into this story that give it so much beauty. As someone who has been a son of a very broken marriage, I applaud you for doing the hard work and to giving it all you had. Now it’s time to rise again. You got this, girl. Much love from Seattle.

  103. Katherine Grant on August 1, 2018 at 9:25 am

    After 17 yrs of agony and struggle in my marriage, I had no biblical reasons to divorce my husband. He was lovely. I was lovely. We tried. We spent $8k on counseling. Prayed constantly. Filed papers of separation several times but all the while never had a biblical reason to divorce. I just kept remembering that God said let no man separate and that meant him or me. I was sure that he must have had another wife or family on the side. I couldn’t believe a human being could be so shut down and closed off. So I waited and waited for proof that it was ok to divorce my husband. And kept working on myself and my kids. The Bible doesn’t allow for re-marriage unless your spouse dies or commits adultery so I didn’t think I wanted to be alone the rest of my life. I just resigned myself to stay until the kids left and then I didn’t care. But the miracle of the whole thing is that I just kept working on myself. And even though I was the only one going to counseling the last time, God changed everything. Even my Christian counselor was telling me that being miserable in a Christian marriage isn’t God’s desire for us but I still felt that I didn’t have grounds for divorce other than “he makes me unhappy and doesn’t talk to me and doesn’t have sex with me.” But through counseling, I saw that I was putting too much emphasis on connecting with my husband instead of God. I was relying on my husband to make me happy instead of just being happy in all things. Instead of being such a huge focus and target, my husband became just another person in my life behind the Lord. And then. And then. My prayers for 17 yrs were answered and God changed my husband. Once the pressure from me was off of him, my husband started to feel like he could breathe and that everything he did wasn’t wrong. Instead of criticizing, I praised from the outflowing that God gave me that I could not see on my own. We all have to do what God leads us to do. However, He gives us clear Biblical outline for His will in marriage. My death was my Old Woman. It was dying to myself. My desires for life and for marriage and for my partner. And once I allowed those to die, both of us were re-born. No one needs to know your reasons for divorce. But as a leader that you’ve stepped up to be, I believe, with all kindness and softness of heart, that you should assure your community that they are Biblical reasons and that you will not be re-marrying unless you have those reasons. “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (Matthew 5:31–32 ESV)” Often we Christians are slow to divorce but quick to re-marriage even when our husbands haven’t cheated on us. Regardless, I’m so sorry for your loss, your husband’s loss and your family’s loss. My story could have easily been the same as yours and it probably was just a few months ago. I have no judgment, only grace for you. May He restore what is His.

    • Jamie Wright on August 1, 2018 at 12:25 pm

      Your story is not the same as mine. Please don’t presume.

      • Kate on August 1, 2018 at 1:36 pm

        Kudos on the very gracious response.

    • Amy on August 1, 2018 at 6:52 pm

      Sounds like judgement in the guise of grace.

    • Kristine on August 7, 2018 at 12:36 am

      You were sharing your story and it is a beautiful one of pain, heartache and yet then restoration. Sad that some here want to poke you with a sharp pin for it, as though reciting His Word is wrong and as though unless you offer a snarky response of acceptance to her blog then your sincerity doesn’t count. I don’t think only snarky acceptance responses count. I think your response counts also. I hope always for marriage restoration even when a whole year has passed. Sometimes a restoration can happen quickly, sometimes it takes much longer than a year for God to work it out, and sometimes it doesn’t become restored for reasons we sometimes understand and sometimes we don’t. I am grateful for the testimony you told us. We don’t become more Christian by agreeing to the act of divorce with our chins up or by wording a response to pretend divorce isn’t hated. If our God can boldly state He hates it so can we. It’s not a judgement-it’s a fact.

  104. Stephen on August 1, 2018 at 10:20 am

    Your transparency is courageous. Thank you
    I’m sorry.
    Stand Tall

  105. Joe Pote on August 1, 2018 at 11:06 am

    Jamie, I am truly sorry for your loss…and truly thankful for grace filled perspective thru difficult times.

    I can tell you from my own experience with divorce, God is faithful.

    Thank you for sharing your struggle. Thank you for having the confidence to maintain your privacy at the same time.

    Blessings to you, dear sister!

  106. Chris Baltzley on August 1, 2018 at 11:07 am

    Jamie, after seeing your post, I felt compelled to write you a brief note. Just simply going to the comment section, I was moved when I saw all the kind and thoughtful words from others. May you be peaceful. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be filled with love and kindness. Hope to see you around town.

  107. Mark on August 1, 2018 at 12:52 pm

    Thank you for sharing what you did share. Well done at keeping private those things you think best to keep private.

    I hope you find happiness and comfort as you move forward as your new resurrected self.

  108. Candice on August 1, 2018 at 1:48 pm

    Countless times, you have had me quietly sitting and mulling through your words/thoughts as I find ways to apply them to my own life. And again, your words are caught in my soul. Thank you for these vulnerable and beautiful words.

    One of my favourite Christian traditions is at Easter when we get to all rejoice and say to each other “He is risen!”. So, I say that to you, Jamie, “She is risen!” (And, probably, more accurately, “She is rising!”).

  109. Deb from Maryland on August 1, 2018 at 1:51 pm

    Also divorced. I understand the striving “to make a still heart beat again”. Each person’s story is different , but empathy is same. You will find the peace and good health and stability for your family, because that ‘s who you are. I see you (sorry, totally cliche,). Prayers from MD.

  110. Carol on August 1, 2018 at 2:00 pm

    I am a Christian. Gay. Married. And also getting divorced. The jugemental mob is a bit psycho about this sceanrio.
    Remember ‘we are not responsible for our wounds. But we are responsible for our healing.’ Ignore those who might wound you in this time. Draw to those who know unconditional love and who will nurture you. God is our true healer and he won’t forget you.

  111. Jessica on August 1, 2018 at 2:39 pm

    “Secrecy is driven by shame and self-preservation, while privacy is created by healthy boundaries and self-care.” This quote sums up exactly what I have been dealing with this past year with my divorce after many years of marriage. Thank you, thank you, thank you for these words – all of them! I am coming out of the shameful spiral I created for myself, even though my marriage was over for so long, my ex-husband was abusive, and I had been “living” my life to try to breathe life back into the marriage. Thankfully, never once did I doubt that God was right there, guiding me through the dirty messy ugliness, and never have I felt more humbled to be His child and be given so much grace, hope, and LIFE. He has resurrected me as well, and I am so thankful we serve the same God!

  112. Amy on August 1, 2018 at 6:45 pm

    Wow! I absolutely love your words in this post and your transparency. I lived in an abusive marriage for 20 years and divorced my abusive husband. I was told for years that if I worked hard enough to change myself, if I submitted to him more, respected him no matter the crap he threw at me and spoke softly, he would change.
    Know what? God freed me from that marriage. He removed my ex and brought me back to Him. My God saved His child from further destruction by taking the evil one out of my home.
    My story had a beautiful ending, well it ain’t over yet! But I’m continuing to journey through this life with God by my side.

  113. Cheryl F (Australia) on August 1, 2018 at 7:02 pm

    This post touched me deeply. You continue to write with honesty and vulnerability that contrasts so much with the superficial crap often dished out in the blog-sphere. Thank you for sharing part of your life with us. As it is indeed ‘none of our damn business’, it is a very special window that you open to let us into this corner of your world. You write beautifully about the hard things. May your continuing story indeed be ‘After Death… Life’.

  114. KSJ on August 1, 2018 at 7:04 pm

    This is my first time reading your blog. A wise friend of mine sent this link to me today in hopes that it would give me a vocabulary for all the things happening in my life.
    Your words are a gift and I’m so grateful to have them to help me process my descent. Looking forward to rising again some day.

  115. RJC on August 1, 2018 at 8:18 pm

    I’m sorry for your suffering.

  116. Sara Harris on August 1, 2018 at 8:24 pm

    Thank you for this. Can’t begin to say how many multiples of helpfulness it is to read and share. Peace to you.

  117. Bj Hickman on August 1, 2018 at 8:36 pm

    Damn. Will you just come sit on my sofa with me? I feel like we could talk for days and never stop. This is beauty wrapped in courage. Thank you for your whole heart. xo

  118. Dennks on August 1, 2018 at 10:47 pm

    It is sad to see so many marriages broken and I am sorry for that. Today the devil thinks he wins again. His number one mission is to destroy families. I do believe that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, all of them. The ones that are already committed and the ones we will commit in the future. And I know the end of the story… The Devil loses. I pray that someday your marriage is restored. Thanks for sharing!

  119. Gretty on August 2, 2018 at 12:04 am

    Love your honesty, girl. Beautifully said. You are brave. My story is similar to yours, and I know first hand the ripping and shredding that happens to your heart when two lives need to separate. DivorceCare and a Stephen minister kept me sane as I navigated grieving and the unchartered waters of life after divorce…I’m remarried and privileged to hand tissues to others experiencing the pain of divorce. Handing you a virtual tissue…

  120. Izabela on August 2, 2018 at 1:54 am

    Very sad news… didn’t expect that. Although the ending sounds like you put yourself first and give up on somebody that you promised to love forever, I won’t judge you. I don’t know the whole story. I feel sorry for you, I’ll pray for you and for myself, so that I never follow that path. I still believe in marriage, love and persistance, despite all circumstances. I know it’s easyto say that, I know it may all be very painful sometimes but hey, Jesus suffered much more for us and his love is unconditioned. Sadly, it’s harder to fulfill with two mere mortals and in marriage you need the will and effort of both sides. But at the same time I admire people who are faithful anyway and refuse to put themselves first. You’re a good person, I know you wouldn’t give up easily, so I believe something serious must have happened in your marriage, no matter if it’s one big thing or a whole process. That’s why it makes me so sad. Please be strong, stick to God, I believe you’ll find your way. And you’ll be rewarded in this life or another.

    • Amy on August 2, 2018 at 1:34 pm

      Wow, just wow! You already did judge her and you have no right to judge anyone. As you said, you do not know the whole story and it’s not for you to know unless she wants you to.

      And do you really believe that because someone divorces they no longer believe in marriage and love??? Incredibly naive of you to think that.

      I’m divorced, and while it was necessary because of the treacherous way my abusive husband treated me and our children and destroyed our marriage because of his hardened heart, I have never stopped believing in the beautiful covenant of marriage God designed. I’m a strong advocate of working on a marriage and marriages being restored when possible, but it takes two people to make a marriage and only one to destroy it.

      Sorry, but your comment just really irked me.

    • Gisela Ella on June 1, 2020 at 2:05 pm

      Given you don’t know the details and IF her ex even tried to do the work to salvage the marriage you are just coming across as the typical judgemental Christian shaking their scolding index finger at anyone who doesn’t do things they way you think they should or the way you *think* theBible says. It’s far harder to end a marriage after 2+ decades than after 5-10 years. And the NT talks about “putting away” (that means no writ of divorce, just putting the wife out when they were “done” with her) as being bad not actual official legal divorce.

  121. Sarah on August 2, 2018 at 6:16 am

    I am always in awe of your gift for writing. I love that you’re always willing to share honestly about personal and real pain in your life. And I love how you reminded people that the WHY is no one else’s business! In any unfortunate situation, people feel like they need to…deserve to…know why. They don’t. You have shown your amazingness yet again by not sharing painful details that would ultimately drag others through the mud. Thank you for being real and gracious while sharing your personal struggles.
    By sharing so honestly, I’m sure it opens doors for total a-holes to attack you, shame you and pry for more info. Thank you for sharing anyway! The impact you have on others in greater than you’ll ever know. ❤

  122. But THIS. – Escaping the Bell Jar on August 2, 2018 at 7:32 am

    […] Take a peek, send me your thoughts! This is the link to Jamie’s Blog – Divorce, Death, and Resurrection.  […]

  123. Claire on August 2, 2018 at 7:50 am

    You have nothing from me but my support and my prayers and my thanks for being so real and honest. Very tough road to be sure, and I am praying for you as you navigate it. <3

  124. Rochelle on August 2, 2018 at 7:06 pm

    There has to be death before resurrection. Oof. Knowing the difference between return and resurrection is key… and a gift.
    Thank you for your bravery and honesty. I needed this today.

  125. Michael Mock on August 2, 2018 at 7:56 pm

    …To you and yours. Divorce is never really a desirable outcome — the Bible got that much right — but sometimes it’s the best course, and more often than that it’s the only course.

    But it still sucks. Mightily. And I speak from some modest personal experience, here.

    Still, this post… this is someone trying to do it as gracefully, as graciously, as Grace-fully as possible, and I admire that. I don’t want to know your reasons. Or his. (All right, I’m curious. But it’s none of my business, and at this point in my life it’s not really a concern.) It sounds like you and your soon-to-be-Ex are trying to do this with as little animus as possible, and I sincerely hope that’s the case. Regardless, I wish you the best.

  126. Kira on August 3, 2018 at 7:12 am

    <3 Thank you. For those of us who've walked there, or walk there now, your words are so needed.

  127. Georgina on August 3, 2018 at 7:24 pm

    You are a wizard with words. But just in case you want ideas on how to deal with annoying people, another of my favorite bloggers just wrote a post that might be helpful….https://captainawkward.com/2018/08/02/1130-when-i-told-you-my-marriage-is-over-it-wasnt-an-invitation-for-advice-on-how-to-fix-it-summer-pledge-drive-continues/#more-45665

    • StillWiggling on August 13, 2018 at 12:54 pm

      In discussing a mutual friend’s previous divorce, a rather legalistic-minded friend of mine said, “He should have taken it to the church.” My reply: “What makes you think he didn’t? Didn’t I tell you what happened to me when I took mine to the church?” My friend was struck speechless. It had never occurred to him that “the church” could, and did, give very bad counsel…. And it just happened that that mutual friend and I had gone to the very same church. One where the institution of marriage was held to be much more important than the poor suffering souls trapped in it.

  128. Diana Murdock on August 7, 2018 at 7:22 pm

    Bravo, sista. Bravo. I, too, held on and worked a marriage until I just couldn’t give of myself anymore. The journey lasted 22 years, but a journey that made me the strong, independent woman I am today. The ups were actually downs and the downs were even lower than that, but I came out on top and smelling like a rose in a spiritual sense. I suppose I knew all along it never should have been and should have let it go by the wayside on day one, but then again I will wear a pair of shoes until the soles won’t walk anymore before I toss them out. But again, welcome to the recreation of you. Let the adventure begin.

  129. John on August 7, 2018 at 10:48 pm

    I have been divorced and remarried. I fought for the marriage to the bitter end and for five years after. I did everything possible, and when it was dead, I carried the body on my back for five years. There were no sinners or saints. There was enough sin to go around and splash on everyone. There were no winners or losers. Only losers. I’m not going to congratulate and tell you how brave you are. Nonsense. I’m sure you don’t feel brave. A drowning person doesn’t feel brave for struggling to stay afloat. It is tragic. Only tragic. However, that doesn’t mean nothing good will ever happen to you again. It will. In time. If I could give advice, I wouldn’t. I just know it is awful. And I can pray that you will see light at the end and find true bravery. Not that fake kind of bravery that just means a few more days at the gym and a new hairdo. The kind that lays in the floor and prays to die but then consciously chooses not to. So, no, your won’t get any attagirls from me. Instead, I say I know it is bad. I know you are too honest to treat it like a minor dental procedure. But I also know you will feel better…some day.

  130. StillWiggling on August 8, 2018 at 9:51 pm

    Ah, Jamie. I am so sorry. Sorry for your loss, as in, none of us goes into marriage thinking we’ll become a statistic. Sorry for what I know you must be dealing with as far as the inevitable other-people’s-business-minders who think it’s okay for them to assume the mantle of the Holy Spirit (who, last time I checked, had not abdicated His job) and tell you, with great conviction, that what you’re doing is wrong, you should have tried harder, you should have done this and that. Been there, done that. Wore out the T-shirt that said “Don’t should on me!” Lost a few alleged friends along the way who apparently forgot about that thing called the priesthood of all believers. If God has truly released you–and that’s between you and Him–that’s the final word on the topic, and nobody has a right to second-guess you.

    And for whatever it’s worth, some Hebrew scholars now believe that “I hate divorce” is a mistranslation, and the verb “hate” is in the third person, not the first. The newer version of the NIV has it like this: “The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the Lord Almighty. (Malachi 2:16)

    I’ve been reading and enjoying your blog for a few years, and I read your book a few months ago. I wish you all the best. Take care!

  131. Maria on August 14, 2018 at 3:13 pm

    I hope whatever you want to happen, happens. I hope you can stay friends or not stay friends or become friends. I hope you get ample time to heal, ample space, and of course nobody needs to know “what happened” ever. I hope that, in the days or weeks or months leading up to the moment when you fully take flight and this chapter of your life ends, you have moments of perfect peace and happiness too.

  132. Joy on August 23, 2018 at 9:50 am

    I’m a new follower. I just read your book in one sitting yesterday, after it being recommended by two trusted friends – one of whom is a missionary in the field… Anyway – what I want to say is that (with few exceptions) you have the most wonderful followers. How refreshing to see support and grace offered instead of condemnation and judgement. I love it! Your transparency and authenticity is a breath of fresh air.

  133. Maria on August 28, 2018 at 10:00 am

    I hear you!
    I too went through this and when so many swarmed to condemn and advise upon my announcement, I said “The truth is, no one but us knows what did (or did not) happen behind closed doors”.
    Sad for you, and I too pined over the lost dreams and struggled with having to walk away from the most heartfelt commitment I had ever made in my life. But Love has been with me ever since, comforting, encouraging, and yes, bringing resurrection life!
    You go, girl
    PS My daughter recommended your book just recently and it moved me deeply. Your authenticity has been an encouragement to me and others who suffer from alienation and loneliness where the Church is concerned, by speaking our hearts’ truth.

  134. Deb from Maryland on September 4, 2018 at 11:31 am

    Thank you. Thank you for your willingness to share your thoughts and feelings with us – because you have the uncanny ability of speaking my thoughts out loud for me when I can’t find the words. I am so sorry for your loss and very hopeful of your resurrection. Peace.

  135. Steve in Coeur d'Alene on September 6, 2018 at 12:23 pm

    Sorry to hear that as a new reader/follower(?). I’ve been there and done that by divorcing after 28 years of marriage, getting(foolishly) remarried, realizing that folly after just 1 year and another year single. I have been back with my biblical/1st/ex/whatever wife these past 5.5 years. Thing is, we get along far better as singles living together than we ever did as a married couple. We talked through the lingering issues, learned to let the past be the past, began accepting each other exactly as we are and keep separate finances (I have a decent savings account finally!). Bottom line, we rarely if ever argue, let alone fight preferring to walk away instead of engaging on minor issues. Also, our son and his wife are no longer having to juggle three Christmases instead of just two. It works well for us.

    Not saying that’ll happen in your world, but you never know as God has a wry sense of both irony and humor.

  136. Melissa on September 8, 2018 at 12:42 pm

    Sorry to hear you’ve been going through this…it must be so painful.

  137. Judi on September 12, 2018 at 12:33 pm

    20 years for me.
    Yes to secrecy vs. Privacy.
    Yes to it being no one’s business.
    Yes to having tried very hard and realizing that the thing you wanted to be no longer existed. I could acknowledge the marriage did not exist or I could keep beating a dead horse but there was no option of beauty in this thing anymore, not together.
    Yes to resurrection.

  138. Gail on September 14, 2018 at 12:35 pm

    I’m there too… after 20 years of marriage. I couldn’t have fought harder or wanted it fixed more badly. Therapy, 2 1/2 years of separation and countless tears and prayers for that miracle restoration to my high school sweetheart and he wanted out. And looking back now, I probably fought too hard and too long for something long dead.

    It doesn’t make it any easier. Only consolation is knowing I did everything I could.

    Thanks for putting some of my own journey into words- you are not alone!

  139. Jessica on October 4, 2018 at 8:47 pm

    you put words on paper that i have not been able to express but have felt those very words

    thank you

  140. Steve from Sac Town on October 17, 2018 at 1:34 pm

    You say your marriage was dead. That is heartbreaking to hear for you both. Was there adultery?

  141. Anne@CMM World on October 21, 2018 at 8:46 am

    Thank you for your willingness to share your journey. I admire you a lot. Just keep the fight and everything will be fine.

  142. […] the entire blog post is well worth reading […]

  143. Paul Lavergne on November 3, 2018 at 9:03 am

    My marriage of 22 years recently ended, I feel your pain. I don’t miss my ex at all, ever, but it is still painful.

  144. Jennifer on November 13, 2018 at 7:34 pm

    I hope this helps you.
    I met my first husband at church and when everyone saw us together they kept saying “when are you getting married?” I was 22, away from home, a baby naive Christian, and we had two dates and made out once. Needless to say the marriage lasted two years and he initiated the divorce because he thought he could get student loans easier for paramedic school if we divorced but still lived together. What a jackass. No one confronted him about the divorce only me. Out of those 3 years the pastor would say we Christians have our blinders off to the truth. I call bullshit. You have a new set of blinders with a Jesus fish drawn on the front.
    Fast forward 25ish years I got married again. wouldn’t say I got it right the second time but it is a better situation and he’s a good father. I’m still me, flawed and a bit heavier but more comfortable with who I am and I can see things clearer.
    My favorite quote is from Socrates-The unexamined life is not worth living.
    Go live your life. You’ll be fine. So will he.

  145. Crystal on November 30, 2018 at 3:58 pm

    Is no one else at all concerned with how we’re applauding and patting divorce on the back. Like bravo for working hard at your marriage, bravo for realizing its “time” to step away, you’re so brave -is somehow acceptable and cheered on. Where is this in the Bible?! If marriage was given as a picture of Christ’s love for His church I would be hard pressed to want your Christ if He’s a stay until you realize you can’t fix it kinda God. Stay until you’re not getting what you want or need in the relationship, then peace out. Work at it until you can’t anymore and then end it. I’m saddened by all of your responses and equally saddened by Jamie’s perspective of marriage in lite of the gospel and who Christ is. Marriage is not to make you happy but to make you holy. The divorce rate within the church is staggering and no wonder why. God can undoubtedly take a broken relationship and restore/resurrect and make beauty from ashes, but our response to divorce should most definitely not be pats on the back.

  146. Nazley Van on December 7, 2018 at 3:52 pm

    I have been going through relationship saga with my husband for 2years because he cheats on me and this woman hes cheating on me with is bent on breaking my home and we even got to the point of getting a divorce and he decided to leave me for this other woman, i told my friend at the office about the divorce on Tuesday and she recommended me to Dr Bolingo who saved my marriage and brought my husband back to me and he knelt down yesterday and apologized for everything and swore never to leave nor cheat on me ever again and am so happy my family is back and my kids are happy anyone having similar relationship problems should contact him on bolingospelltemple @ gmail .com i am so happy my family is back and i want every couple to understand that divorce is never the answer

  147. Sarah on January 3, 2019 at 2:31 pm

    I feel like you reached into my head and heart and wrote my own story. So much love.

  148. Will Boyer on February 1, 2019 at 1:07 pm

    I was just going to get on your blog and let you know I just finished reading your book after, like, two slow days at my day job and how it helped me as a future missionary, but now I feel overwhelmed. Not that I’ve never known Christian pew warmers and those in ministry or missionaries to get divorces, but that it’s been constant in my life the past few years among people I know personally, blindsiding me every step of the way, making me fear for my own marriage, like we’re some sort of ticking time bomb only because of the negative examples being given to me. Of course, that’s an exaggeration. I’m just prone to worry and being over analytical. Anyway, in a more positive way, the example in your book you left was a help for me as a current/future missionary which gave me hope and clarity in some areas. Like how. I’m 34 and it’s never dawned on me to call a missions agency and applied for it as if it were a job. But since it’s not working out well in my daily life, I don’t think that call is as of yet a good idea. But it gives me direction. Anyway, there’s a lot more that could be said about your book, but I didn’t want to leave a critique or review, just a thank you for writing about your experiences. Oh, it also gave me an idea of what to really expect. Which is immensely helpful. The example given in more, um, …conservative? Traditional?… Missionary autobiographies usually gives a higher, loftier, less realistic, potentially more fabricated version of the missionaries and missions, an example which I find impossible to follow, filling me with anxiety. I have more thoughts, but I’ll leave it at this. I’ll be praying for you and your family (and husband/soon to be ex). I’m sorry to turn it back on me and my anxieties and paranoia of failure earlier, but at least I was honest in my thoughts and feelings. It’s a sad, depressing world we live in. I’m hoping and praying for the best for y’all, no matter what happens.

    – Will Boyer. Criminally underpaid Cartoonist. Would be terrible missionary.

  149. Terry Schneider on February 18, 2019 at 8:47 am

    As a former missionary who divorced after 36 years I totally related to your blog (Which I just discovered today). Wish I had been able to express myself as well eleven years ago.
    Looking forward to reading your book.

  150. Meg on April 1, 2019 at 4:59 pm

    I’m in tears and struggling to find words. Yours are true. And beautiful. And whole. They pull me toward both death and resurrection. I am undone…. And so very, very grateful. Thank you.

  151. CC on April 25, 2019 at 3:54 pm

    Thank you for this. I have been in desperate need for some kind Christian words about divorce. Among many of the Christians I knew, divorce appeared to be the only unforgivable sin. The biggest tragedy for our family was not the divorce, but the alienation from the church and people we had built lives with for almost 15 years. Though I’m sure well-intentioned, that treatment broke my faith way more than the loss of my marriage. It has been hard to trust the church, and Christians in general, so I am thankful to hear voices of encouragement, grace and understanding among the Christian community.

  152. Bible Motivation Daily on July 3, 2019 at 2:00 pm
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  154. Danielle on August 6, 2019 at 1:48 pm

    I know I’m late to the game here but I’ve recently been digging into your work as it’s helped me through a dark phase in my life.

    I haven’t been married long, but I married someone who was a best friend to me for years before we decided to date. I have always suspected we should have just remained friends, but now that we are in the thick of this marriage he wants it to end and i’m fighting like hell to try to get it to work. I feel hopeless and lost and like I’m not just losing a marriage but a best friend in the process. I have watched you come through on the other side and the ups and downs you’ve been dealt sincce this post. I appreciate your candor and I am encouraged to know that if I cannot fix this, I will have tried and I have people to look to who have been there.

  155. ZEALOT on October 10, 2019 at 5:27 pm

    This pagan Jezebel, you pagan readers, and this pagan material will encounter the wrath of God. May He have mercy on your rebellious souls. Had you read one verse of the Bible and obeyed it, you would not even be here. The blasphemy is unreal.

  156. Laura on November 25, 2019 at 6:22 pm

    Beautifully written. How I wish I could have read this 12 years ago when I was going through the same after nearly 25 years. I remember praying fervently on Christmas Eve for God to save my marriage, after hanging on for years…. the next morning when I woke up, God answered. “Enough” is what he said. And it was. For both of us.

  157. Gartner on January 19, 2020 at 6:46 am

    Den Watts and his wife Angie ( Anita Dobson ) are landlords of The Queen Victoria public house in Albert Square, Walford. Den also has a mistress, Jan Hammond ( Jane How ). He gets Michelle Fowler ( Susan Tully ), the 16-year-old best friend of his adoptive daughter Sharon ( Letitia Dean ), pregnant – but she refuses to name the father, fearing repercussions for Den and herself. Den and Angie’s relationship starts to fall apart when she meets Jan, but when Angie attempts suicide, Den ends his relationship with Jan despite preferring it to be the other way around. When Michelle gives birth to their daughter, Vicki, she refuses to give Den any contact with her – though he financially supports Michelle in secret. For many years the secret is kept hidden but Michelle’s mother, Pauline ( Wendy Richard ), is one of the first to realize the truth, igniting a feud between her and Den, which intensifies when he admits to her in January 1988 that he is indeed Vicki’s father and she slaps him in response. Den makes plans to leave Angie permanently; hoping to stop him, Angie claims that she is dying and has only six months to live in October that year. Den chooses to stay with her and tries to rebuild their relationship, promising to be there for her until her death. He takes Angie to Venice for a second honeymoon, but liaises with Jan, who is also there. Feeling guilty about her lie, Angie gets drunk on the way home via the Orient Express and admits to a barman that she is not dying, unaware that Den has overheard her drunken confession. He bides his time and gets revenge by serving her divorce papers on Christmas Day.

  158. Cindi on June 25, 2020 at 10:38 am

    Thank you for your honesty. I am sitting at my desk today quietly observing what would have been my 36th anniversary. I left at 18 years. It was hard. It was ugly. I forgave. Not sure about him. I asked his forgiveness. He did not. He accepted wholeheartedly that it was my fault. His anger was my fault. His violence was my fault, or the kid’s fault. We are all wrong. Friends, family, outside observers. All wrong.
    I am alone and he is remarried.
    But I have grown so much with God! Amazing things have happened and continue to happen. Things like being able to offer help to friends who told me this week that after 15 years they are divorcing. That I am able to advise. Speak truth. Be trusted with intimate details of hurt and betrayal.
    God does indeed work things for good to those who are called according to HIS purpose.

  159. John on July 26, 2020 at 6:14 am

    Very powerful and true statement.

    “ The older I get, the more I’ve come to understand that there are no real villains, only broken people with deep wounds who cannot help but to bleed onto others. Anne is right, of course, I do own my story.”

    Thank you for your transparency.

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